Part I - My Adolescence Memoirs - Larkana in 1970s

Part-I

My ancestral village, birthplace too, is located almost exactly between Larkana and Ratodero; former is a larger town (city, some may call it now), a district headquarters then but now a divisional headquarters, and the latter a Tehsil (one of many units of a district on administrative grounds; also called ‘Taluka’ in Sindhi) town. It is mere 2 miles from Garhi Khuda Bakhsh Bhutto, a renowned village and eternal resting place of unfortunate Bhutto family.

My father, perhaps the only one in the entire village who was educated to a respectable level, decided to move his family from the village to Ratodero for two reasons; he was serving as a clerk in an office there, and the future of his children. Hence, we shifted to Ratodero in early 1963. I came to senses in this town though I very faintly remember migration on a bullock-cart (now, this could be a mere visualization after listening to this tale many a times from my elder brother). My father got me registered in a Primary Sindhi School in 1965 and I went on to complete my fourth grade here before moving to Larkana in 1969.

While still in Ratodero we never missed an opportunity to visit Larkana, situated only 18 miles away and connected with paved/metallic road. It was a city bustling with a number of bazaars that remained opened even after sunset, three cinema houses, a large bus stand and most importantly, a Railway Station. Our father would often hire a Willys Jeep ( its’ engine would not run with key ignition but with a handle inserted and rotated swiftly from its’ front engine side) in the afternoons and take whole family to visit Larkana to watch a Pakistani Urdu film and return back to home at midnight. That was good olden peaceful era when you knew nothing about kidnappers or terrorists. Nevertheless, father would still carry a licensed revolver with him for safety from wild boars, jackals and dacoits. I remember, once while driving back to Ratodero in middle of the night, father sitting on front seat along with driver suddenly shot at some object with his revolver. It was a wild boar, he said. We, however, didn’t stop and continued our journey.

Let me share my first ever adventure of traveling to Larkana with a classmate named Sheroo. After coming back from school I dropped the bag at home and without informing my Mom, we departed by bus for Larkana only to buy a booklet of newly released Urdu film whose songs we loved to listen to and enjoyed a lot at the tender age of less than 10 years. It took us about an hour to reach there. I was carrying about 75 Paisa (12 Aanay i.e. 3/4 of a Rupee) in my pocket. Sheroo was richer by 50 Paisa. The Bus Conductors were generous on both ways and didn’t ask for the fare from us, the two cute boys. We strolled in the bazaars, enjoyed eating some sweets and bought the soft-covered booklet of Urdu film ‘Darshan’ in 25 Paisa which entailed a summary of film story and full lyrics of all songs. We returned home a bit later after sunset, only to learn that massive hunt was going on by our respective families in the town. Little scolding and a big hug from teary Mom was a happy ending of this adventure. (Continued)

Habits

Habits make or break a person; you are either darling of everyone or a terrible person.

Have you ever thought of the fact that when we discuss “Habits” we always mean to pinpoint the negative traits of people only? Why we are always judgmental on dark side of people, and quick in making comments too? Can you remember a gossip when it started on passing positive observations and ended up in praising the people discussed about?

Generally and holistically speaking there are two kinds of habits; those that we acquire (intentionally or otherwise) with the passage of time from our upbringing, our company of friends and relatives, circumstances, and those that we inherit or draw naturally. Some of the habits falling in each category are given as under:

Acquired Habits

·         They are twitter worms.

·         She’s texting crazy gal.

·         He’s a chain smoker.

·         He’s a drug addict.

·         She talks incessantly.

·         My wife is extravagance.

·         Bosses are assertive.

·         Our maid wastes too much water.

·         Office driver is nuts; drives very rough.

·         He’s a bad mouth; speaks disrespectfully.

·         They eat a lot.

Natural Habits (Traits)

·         She’s temperamental, egoist.

·         He snores.

·         He sports a harsh look on his face.

·         She’s shy.

·         She’s beautiful but speaks hoarsely.

·         This kid is too stubborn.

·         That toddler baby cries all the time.

·         I’m not a courteous fellow.

·         He’s a soft spoken and smiling person.

·         That guy looks ugly.

·         Hey, you bald!

·         She’s rude and arrogant. 

Acquired habits consist of both good and bad ones. It’s always important and preferable that one is able to delineate the bad ones and do efforts to get rid of them before letting people target you and be critical of them which would eventually place you in an awkward and embarrassing situation. It’s imperative to stoke your good habits in order to enhance your character and personality.

One can’t do anything about the traits that come naturally. Some with strong nerves and commitment may get rid of some undesirable habits but it’s never easy. For instance, I sport a kind of weird and callous look on my face most of the time that I get negative remarks about them. I want to shun away it but in spite of trying (not hard) it’s not easy to put a smile on my face, unnecessarily. I rue it, nevertheless.

We come across many a people at campus, work place, neighborhood, shopping malls, and even in family /relatives and friends that we become judgmental of them instantly. We don’t like their personality (height, complexion, hairstyle, clothing, stern look, accent, eye contact, etc.). But it often proves us wrong about them once we get into conversation with them or spend some time with them. I know everyone must be having some gem of friends who possess ordinary looks and traits but since they are friends, all of their weak personality spots go in hiding and they never poke your mind.

Sometimes a person communicating in a normal tone may be taken as an impolite and inconsiderate for their haughty stance to the receiver but that’s way they are. Once you get into camaraderie with them you will soon discover that their hearts and souls are made of diamonds and pearls.

The natural personality flaws are very delicate things. They are not habits. People own them very seriously. You just can’t ask a girl /woman that she is arrogant, fat, with big nose, and that she speaks in masculine tone. Similarly, never ask a man that he is short, bald, and untidy or stutters while speaking. These things are always hurting. You will lose friends if continued making such comments and remained judgmental.

We must strive to steer habits, especially the undesirable ones. Habits controlling and dictating us will bring disastrous results. Stay caring, soft spoken, humble and empathetic. Also, be noncritical and non-judgmental to win lasting friends.

Being a Camera, Selfie Camera!

I don’t have to introduce myself because almost all of you possess me, cherish me, love me and hate me too. Hate in the sense that every time you take 20 Selfies while changing your position and mine too in each shot, you retain just one picture deleting all others, and then cursing me for being imperfect most of the time. How rude!

If I were a Punjabi I would respond like:

Dasso! Apni Shakal vekh Ke Gall Kar! (Hey! Mind your looks before assess others)

And in Sindhi I would utter a proverb:

Kaday Munh Mariam Jo, Kaday Allah Yaar! (Two people one gracious and other ugly cannot be compared)

Camera is an optical instrument for recording images which may be stored locally, transmitted to another location, or both. The images may be individual still photographs or sequences of images constituting videos or movies. From early 4^th century BC till 19^th century AD scientist remained berserk in inventing, shaping and refining an instrument that would capture memory through pictures.

Like human beings I also come in various shapes and sizes; from large and cumbersome to tiny and minuscule and from adorable to ordinary and ugly. But I feel far superior to human beings when it comes to racism and slur allegations because my signature color is black. Long back in 1960s and 1970s I was considered one of the most precious belongings one could have and usually those who owned me beamed with pride. By then I was still scarcely possessed by affluent people but was admired by all across the board; everyone would like to hold me in their hands, stroke me with their fingers, peep through the viewfinder and click the shutter button in spite of knowing that I was nonfunctional without film reel and won’t take pictures. That was the glorious era though in black and white mode and even not sleek and smart but, nevertheless, I was in great demand.

George Eastman pioneered manufacturing of modern day camera. His camera, which he called the “Kodak” was first offered for sale in 1888. It was a very simple box camera with a fixed-focus lens and single shutter speed, which along with its relatively low price appealed to the average consumer. By the end of the 19th century Eastman had expanded his lineup to several models including both box and folding cameras. Films also made possible capture of motion (cinematography) establishing the movie industry by end of 19th century.

I cannot forget those funny times when on picnics, family gatherings, mehndi /marriage or other functions people would prepare themselves long for the pictures to be taken (black & white) and would wait with excitement and impatience for results. Much to their heartbreaking disappointment the film reel sent for processing and development would reveal that due to some light or other problems pictures weren’t exposed. You just can’t imagine (if you are young) how much pain they would go through and the subsequent backlash I had to receive from those disgruntled people. Those were the times when I was used sparingly and on special events only. I could hardly take a few hundred pictures in any typical year unlike now; 100s pictures a day.

The first digital camera, which provided only 0.01 megapixels to capture images, was developed by Kodak engineer Steven Sasson in 1975. The images were then read from the cassette and viewed on a TV monitor. Later, cassette tapes were replaced by flash memory. Gradually in the 2000s and 2010s, digital cameras became dominant across consumer, television and movies.

With the state of the art modern digital cameras and in the presence of expansive lenses I feel more confident to give you a image you love the most; with little photoshop you can hide all of your weak facial spots and bring the strong ones in forefront.

It is sheer love when a professional photographer handles me with great care and affection, takes closed range and sharp images of nature, landscapes, animals, crawling insects, beautiful birds, flowers, dew on roses, rain drops on leaves, and most of all babies, toddlers and children. Similarly it makes me feel proud when you picture beautiful women and young girls. God has made them to be admired, loved, cared and revered.

My age as an “independent digital camera” remained short. The treacherous creature called human being took no time in fitting me into a cell phone. Hence, making it possible for almost everyone on the globe to use me, have fun with me, abuse me and even fetch me to the lowest level of ethics and morality.

A Selfie is a self-portrait casual photograph, typically taken with a camera phone held in the hand or supported by a selfie stick. Selfies are often shared on social networking sites such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Most selfies are taken with a camera held at arm's length or pointed at a mirror, rather than by using a self-timer.

This decade i.e. starting from 2011 to 2020 can fairly be called as “Selfie Era”. With the advent of camera phone and discovery of selfie-shots, I hardly have rest or peaceful moments. Emanating from showbiz celebrities, selfies are getting more popular in all walks of life be it sports, politics, education, workplaces or homes. Whether it is office, dining hall, kitchen, living room, swimming pool, bathroom, writing desk or a dressing table I remain active in making clicks incessantly. Did I tell you that ever since I’ve been made an integral part of cell phone what I hate the most is mirror? It’s the mirror that initiates an urge in the cell phone user, usually a girl, to engage me for taking pictures of her various postures including daring and bold shots often touching to seductive thresholds. Let me share a secret with you but never reveal it to anyone; I also turn on.

According to a study performed by Nicola Bruno and Marco Bertamini, selfies by non-professional photographers show a slight bias for showing the left cheek of the selfie-taker. This is similar to what has been observed for portraits by professional painters from many different historical periods and styles indicating that the left cheek bias may be rooted in asymmetries of brain lateralization that are well documented within cognitive neuroscience.

And what I despise the most is when you use me against my will; picture gory images of crime, blood, violence, murder, destruction, arson, bomb blasts and other manmade as well as natural disasters. Equally is scornful when I’m put to take derogatory, abusive and contemptuous porn pictures and videos.

I had never imagined that this perfidious entity called human would use me into lavatories too. Gosh! I mean what’s fun in taking snaps of your crooked facial expressions and oozing eye balls while you press your intestines, squeeze and squat your lower body to discharge …….!

Courtesy for the paragraphs in Italics: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camera and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selfie .

Angry I’m!

Hazrat Ali (AS) is quoted to have said: Don’t decide anything in anger and don’t make any promise when you are happy. Another quotation attributed to Hazrat Ali (AS) is: Anger begins with madness and ends with regret. Another anonymous saying is famous about anger that reads: Anger is punishing you for the mistake committed by someone else.

Why do we get angry is the question that carries several answers and explanations. Oxford Dictionary defines anger as: A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. Some other Dictionaries add reason to its definition as; anger aroused by injury, injustice or wrong provocation etc.

 

Under normal circumstances the angry behavior is extremely harmful, lands in trouble and forces one to take a hasty decision that most of the time goes in wrong direction impacting their life to negativity to such an extent that they fail to undo the blunder. Perhaps everyone gets angry with a degree of variation. Some go crazy instantly and behave insanely, others take time to become annoyed and still behave and respond sanely. I belong to a category somewhere in-between these extreme ends.

My late father used to love me a lot because I happened to be his youngest “son”. I enjoyed this position for 10 years till my younger brother was born after our four sisters. My father would often take me along with him on work i.e. field trips for agriculture revenue collection and ostensibly he was given targets by his office for such purpose. My father was an angry man. The poor villagers always resisted in paying taxes. I don’t know whether they couldn’t afford to pay water taxes called “Abyana” in reality or they pretended but it used to make Dad behave with them rowdily and insultingly. At the age of less than 10 years I always felt like crying, scared and embarrassed too.

Still a kid I made a resolve that I won’t be behaving with poor in my life the way Dad does now. Years down the road now, I’m contented to say that I have been treating poor and subordinate employees fairly well with due respect and dignity and try not to harm their self esteem. Unfortunately I couldn’t do nothing to prevent myself from inheriting my father’s dominant attribute i.e. Infuriation.

Normally I get irate quickly if something goes wrong against the norm. The good thing is; the mood melts down instantly too. It’s like “storm in a cup of tea”.  Nevertheless, getting wild and scolding-like lands me at times in an awkward situation leading to embarrassment and damaging to my character. People at the receiving end are usually my office colleagues, family members and friends but most of all, my wife and children.

Besides, there is also another issue that keeps me upset and concerned too. I remember from the adolescence that my elder brother used to show his dissent over my facial expressions that displayed unfriendly or rather harsh and annoying look when I made arguments over some matter. While it looked to me as normal discussion-tone but my brother would always warn me that I should mind my disposition and that I was being offensive and rude to him. I would protest on such occasions and defend myself, and even go and take a look in the mirror to confirm whether I looked so wounding. When such happenings became common and repetitive I silently conceded my weakness. Over the years I have made efforts to overcome my misdemeanors that erupt off and on but with little help. Luckily, to lessen the impact, I have learnt to apologize over my ill manners. But still some words and phrases dent too much and remain unforgiving.

Unfortunately, after decades of experiencing this ordeal now I realize that two of my children also carry the same genes i.e. they are following the footsteps of their grandfather. They sometimes converse in extremely angry mood, tone and display harsh facial expressions. When I ask them why they are behaving like so, they simply give me a stunning look and say that they never were, and that they were talking normally. Only I can understand that they are behaving normal but others wouldn’t digest this outrage.

The punch line is; no one is born perfect, everyone carries some genetic or other worldly /circumstantial weaknesses that lead them to show displeasure. I’m also a human being living with many weaknesses but at the same time striving not to hurt people with my eruptive fuming behavior anymore. May Allah (SWT) and those I have hurt forgive me!  

Retirement; boon or bane!

In April 2013 I wrote a blog on “Beyond Retirement” discussing how our life would take its course in post-retirement era. Some suggestions were given as to how it could be made healthier and “life full of life” before succumbing to the old age syndromes. Nevertheless, this take should be taken as an extension of previous write-up with a new dimension i.e. whether retirement comes handy and rewarding or keeps us devastated for the remainder life!

The other day my boss confided in me that if we were to retire now the perks of retirement would be enough to live a peaceful life provided we own a house, a car and we don’t have to pay regular children’s education fees. And of course our retired life is without any terminal disease. See! An ideal retired life is dependent on scores of ifs and buts. Though my superannuation age is still five years away but somehow it has started haunting me. I can’t explain why but just a thought of considering me a senior citizen, a dependent, gives shivers and looks daunting too.

Alhamdulillah, my career has been impeccable. There have been many an instances when people meeting the very first time greet me warmly and express their immense pleasure because of the reason that they have been hearing about my reputation in my absence since long. Once I was truly humbled on listening to a comment that I was a source of inspiration for the young lot and that they emulate my working style, efficiency and the quality of work I produce.

Moreover, when I asked a respectable retired senior colleague who is currently working in a private consultancy firm that whether I would be able to get a similar job like him when I retired from the job in 2020. Do you want me to arrange an appointment letter for you now, he enquired? It was a heartening comment I could ever hear.

So, why am I still worried? Prima facie the ticking needles of clock depress me all the time. They keep reminding me that I am on a brisk walk down the hill, and that, age is catching up fast. But the main disturbing reason is my unsettled life; over 30 years of job and I have not been able to own a house, still to go for Umrah or Hajj pilgrimage, get rid of loan installments that I’m paying for nearly 20 years on office loans I took one after the other to supplement my meager monthly salaries, to pay exorbitant educational fees of children, and even replacing the 20 year old car!

And it may also transpire at the time of retirement that I still need to pay for marriage expenses of my children in addition to the above! The experience gained from discussing to those retired people who underwent almost identical life speaks of harsh consequences. Most of the time the “commutation funds”, a lump sum handsome amount received on the day of retirement is spent instantly on purchase of residential plot or construction of house (if lucky to have owned a plot already) or it gets consumed in children’s marriages. The only boon left with them is the monthly pension that seems enough to run the kitchen expenses.

It may sound crazy of me to think about something that is going to happen after five years. You might be coming up with an advice for me that everything should be left to God and that He would create an easy path for me to live a peaceful retired life. Under ideal situations and circumstances it should be happening like that. It’s convincing as far as my faith is concerned and as long as prayers work but you know, I ponder a lot, thinking about everything, good to bad and the worst irrespective of what unfolds when the moment comes.

So, fingers crossed, let’s hope for the boon, but expect the bane too!

Tharki

A dear friend of mine gifted me a book titled “The Lessons of My Life” by renowned Indian writer and journalist late Khushwant Singh; a retrospection on his life spanning 98 years. He died at 99. In one of the chapters he writes about the woes of sexual life of men and women past their middle age. A paragraph is reproduced as under:

Quote…. Women go through a change in life around their late 40s, early 50s. Menopause can take several months, over which they become edgy, lose interest in sex and put on weight. Male menopause is accompanied by low testosterone, low libido, and usually occurs when men are in their 50s. It is of very short duration, therefore more dramatic and, unless men prepare of themselves in advance, can play havoc in their life..... Unquote.

All of my friends including me are in mid fifties, married, with grownup children, and even with grandchildren. I don’t know who have undergone their menopause state, even not sure of mine but it is true that men in our age group and even beyond are capable of enjoying “intimate moments” and remain “productive” too, though such desire, extent of physical strength and frequency gets weakened to much extent. The experienced and sex-crazy people in mid 50s emphasize that those who go for sex options other than “Halal” stuff not only prolong their prowess but enjoy excessively well and with greater frequency too.

The exposure to seductive and erotic material such as pictures, videos, movies, and similar written content have significant impact in arousing the sexual desire but it hardly transforms into getting the men in their mid fifties to turn on with the same fury and fire. While the spark in the eyes of such men remains as sharp as it had been in the young age, the “electric current” that used to circulate from head to groin with the speed of light impedes considerably. If one is not getting stimulating medicines and “desi recipes or Kushta” to keep their physical thirst alive and burning, the ageing process would keep them tame and turning away from sexual activity like; from once a week to once a fortnight, even to once a month, and this appetite deteriorating further all the time. Since people remain young mentally therefore they satisfy their physical needs through the use of eyes and tongue i.e. eyes to scan through the outfits, tongue to talk lustfully. The popular title given to such people in our society is “Tharki”.

Tharki, as I understand, can be defined as a person, whether man or woman, not only quenching their sexual intentions with their eyes but discussing openly about the same too. The Tharki term mostly applies to men, though “Tharki Aunties” are popular too). It can be fairly said that not all people in their mid fifties are full-fledged Tharkies but some real gentlemen who only use their piercing eyes to scan a “women in full attire” but remain calm and cool can also be labeled as Tharkies, though with a lesser degree.

But there are more kinds of this malice in every age group. Sexual harassment at workplaces is common all over the world. Other so called decent Tharki-Pan incidences can be witnessed at offices where bosses and colleagues spending and wasting precious time with the opposite sex employees over a cup of tea, or faking it as official discussion, resorting to extended gossip time during office lunch, market places where customers unnecessarily discussing and arguing with sales girls, passengers sitting by aisles in airplanes, trains and buses calling hostesses repeatedly for one pretext or other to have a close glimpse of their body curves, mere chit chat or a simple touch of fingers, hand or a shoulder. Salesmen can be seen lurking around salesgirls at large departmental stores. Even students, both boys and girls at university level behave as Tharkies. Social media also provides a great platform for satisfying such needs.

  

I remember while I was in early 30s of age, we office colleagues with varying age groups ranging from mid 20s to mid 50s used to hang out for dinner every weekend or fortnight. The gossip would always shift to women and sexual life. I would notice that aged friends would be talking more about it with much pleasure, excitement and ecstasy. This would always baffle me and I would remain indecisive whether they still have active sexual life! Of course I wouldn’t dare asking such a silly question to them but feel like asking; shame on you! how come you still talk this shit, and that; you should be offering prayers only and repent your guilty past and sins.

But I do used to read in newspapers and watched on television that high profile, past middle aged celebrities; politicians, wealthy business tycoons and personalities from entertainment world do get married at later ages of 50s and 60s and what made me more skeptical was that their wives were getting pregnant too.

Men are unbelievable and crazy breed. Whether decent or indecent, they are always Tharki. They are natural body scanners. They possess all ingredients and tools to bully the women, be it eyes, soft tongue, melting heart or through use of emotions/sentiments. They use them smartly. From a very young age the desire and lust ride their mind. Those who fear social, cultural and religious barriers suppress this desire till getting married. But marriages hardly prevent men from overcoming this bad habit. Women are always attractive if they are other than wives.

The Tharki-Pan culminates in old age, a real old age beyond 60s, even in 70s. Tharki-Pan feelings diminish altogether when they begin fighting a lost war with simultaneous illnesses and terminal diseases. 

Khushwant Singh lived and died as Tharki. Who else among us is not?

کعبہ کی فریاد

سنسناتی رات کی پُرواہیاں ، میرا سادہ لبادہ اڑاتی ہوئی

وہ دن کے تپتے صحرا کی ، گرم آندھی مجھ سے ٹکراتی ہوئی

کبھی کبھار برستی تیز بارش ، میرے اندر سرایت کرتی ہوئی

اور آسمان سے دن رات مجھ پہ ، چاند و سورج نظر ٹکاے ہوے

یہ سب کچھ بھلا لگتا تھا مجھے صدیوں سے ، پر اب کہاں

میری تڑپ میں بےقرار ، گرد آلود احرام اوڑھے ہوے

کبھی اونٹوں پر کبھی پیادل ، پاؤں لہولہان کیے

کوسوں دور سے ، مکہ کے پہاڑوں اور چھوٹے گھروں کے درمیاں

مجھ پر نگاہ پڑتے ہی ، سجدے میں گر جانے والے

یہ سب کچھ بھلا لگتا تھا مجھے صدیوں سے ، پر اب کہاں

ایمان کا جذبہ لئے ، مجھے دیکھنے کی آس کو سینے میں دبایے

سچی توبہ اور رزق حلال سے ، سفر حجاز پہ نکلنے والے

میرے گرد چکّر لگاتے ، گرتے پڑتے بے جان جسم

اور میرے پہلو میں جڑے ھجر اسود کو چومتے ہوے

یہ سب کچھ بھلا لگتا تھا مجھے صدیوں سے ، پر اب کہاں

بلند و بالا عمارتوں کے بیچ میں ، اب تو میں چھپ سا گیا ہوں

نہ رہے اونٹ نہ پیدل لوگ ، دور سے کسی کو میں کب نظر آتا ہوں

چاند بھی اونچی عمارتوں کی اوٹ سے آنکھ مچولی کرتا ہو جیسے

لاکھوں کا مجمع طواف کرتے ، ایک دوسرے کو کچل رہا ہو جیسے

یہ سب کچھ ہے کئی برسوں سے ، مجھے بھلا لگتا ہے اب کہاں

طواف ہوتا نہیں اب تو سیل فون کے بغیر ، ایسا لگتا ہے

زبان پر لبیک ہاتھ میں سیل ہونا ضروری ، ایسا لگتا ہے

میرا احترام اپنی جگہ ، پر سیلفی کلاک ٹاور کے سامنے بناتے ہیں

اور فرصت پاتے ہی یہاں سے ، ماڈرن مال میں شاپنگ کو لپکتے ہیں

یہ تماشہ چلا ہے چند برسوں سے ، مجھے بھلا لگتا ہے اب کہاں

اعجاز پتافی