Angry I’m!

Hazrat Ali (AS) is quoted to have said: Don’t decide anything in anger and don’t make any promise when you are happy. Another quotation attributed to Hazrat Ali (AS) is: Anger begins with madness and ends with regret. Another anonymous saying is famous about anger that reads: Anger is punishing you for the mistake committed by someone else.

Why do we get angry is the question that carries several answers and explanations. Oxford Dictionary defines anger as: A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. Some other Dictionaries add reason to its definition as; anger aroused by injury, injustice or wrong provocation etc.

 

Under normal circumstances the angry behavior is extremely harmful, lands in trouble and forces one to take a hasty decision that most of the time goes in wrong direction impacting their life to negativity to such an extent that they fail to undo the blunder. Perhaps everyone gets angry with a degree of variation. Some go crazy instantly and behave insanely, others take time to become annoyed and still behave and respond sanely. I belong to a category somewhere in-between these extreme ends.

My late father used to love me a lot because I happened to be his youngest “son”. I enjoyed this position for 10 years till my younger brother was born after our four sisters. My father would often take me along with him on work i.e. field trips for agriculture revenue collection and ostensibly he was given targets by his office for such purpose. My father was an angry man. The poor villagers always resisted in paying taxes. I don’t know whether they couldn’t afford to pay water taxes called “Abyana” in reality or they pretended but it used to make Dad behave with them rowdily and insultingly. At the age of less than 10 years I always felt like crying, scared and embarrassed too.

Still a kid I made a resolve that I won’t be behaving with poor in my life the way Dad does now. Years down the road now, I’m contented to say that I have been treating poor and subordinate employees fairly well with due respect and dignity and try not to harm their self esteem. Unfortunately I couldn’t do nothing to prevent myself from inheriting my father’s dominant attribute i.e. Infuriation.

Normally I get irate quickly if something goes wrong against the norm. The good thing is; the mood melts down instantly too. It’s like “storm in a cup of tea”.  Nevertheless, getting wild and scolding-like lands me at times in an awkward situation leading to embarrassment and damaging to my character. People at the receiving end are usually my office colleagues, family members and friends but most of all, my wife and children.

Besides, there is also another issue that keeps me upset and concerned too. I remember from the adolescence that my elder brother used to show his dissent over my facial expressions that displayed unfriendly or rather harsh and annoying look when I made arguments over some matter. While it looked to me as normal discussion-tone but my brother would always warn me that I should mind my disposition and that I was being offensive and rude to him. I would protest on such occasions and defend myself, and even go and take a look in the mirror to confirm whether I looked so wounding. When such happenings became common and repetitive I silently conceded my weakness. Over the years I have made efforts to overcome my misdemeanors that erupt off and on but with little help. Luckily, to lessen the impact, I have learnt to apologize over my ill manners. But still some words and phrases dent too much and remain unforgiving.

Unfortunately, after decades of experiencing this ordeal now I realize that two of my children also carry the same genes i.e. they are following the footsteps of their grandfather. They sometimes converse in extremely angry mood, tone and display harsh facial expressions. When I ask them why they are behaving like so, they simply give me a stunning look and say that they never were, and that they were talking normally. Only I can understand that they are behaving normal but others wouldn’t digest this outrage.

The punch line is; no one is born perfect, everyone carries some genetic or other worldly /circumstantial weaknesses that lead them to show displeasure. I’m also a human being living with many weaknesses but at the same time striving not to hurt people with my eruptive fuming behavior anymore. May Allah (SWT) and those I have hurt forgive me!