Tharki

A dear friend of mine gifted me a book titled “The Lessons of My Life” by renowned Indian writer and journalist late Khushwant Singh; a retrospection on his life spanning 98 years. He died at 99. In one of the chapters he writes about the woes of sexual life of men and women past their middle age. A paragraph is reproduced as under:

Quote…. Women go through a change in life around their late 40s, early 50s. Menopause can take several months, over which they become edgy, lose interest in sex and put on weight. Male menopause is accompanied by low testosterone, low libido, and usually occurs when men are in their 50s. It is of very short duration, therefore more dramatic and, unless men prepare of themselves in advance, can play havoc in their life..... Unquote.

All of my friends including me are in mid fifties, married, with grownup children, and even with grandchildren. I don’t know who have undergone their menopause state, even not sure of mine but it is true that men in our age group and even beyond are capable of enjoying “intimate moments” and remain “productive” too, though such desire, extent of physical strength and frequency gets weakened to much extent. The experienced and sex-crazy people in mid 50s emphasize that those who go for sex options other than “Halal” stuff not only prolong their prowess but enjoy excessively well and with greater frequency too.

The exposure to seductive and erotic material such as pictures, videos, movies, and similar written content have significant impact in arousing the sexual desire but it hardly transforms into getting the men in their mid fifties to turn on with the same fury and fire. While the spark in the eyes of such men remains as sharp as it had been in the young age, the “electric current” that used to circulate from head to groin with the speed of light impedes considerably. If one is not getting stimulating medicines and “desi recipes or Kushta” to keep their physical thirst alive and burning, the ageing process would keep them tame and turning away from sexual activity like; from once a week to once a fortnight, even to once a month, and this appetite deteriorating further all the time. Since people remain young mentally therefore they satisfy their physical needs through the use of eyes and tongue i.e. eyes to scan through the outfits, tongue to talk lustfully. The popular title given to such people in our society is “Tharki”.

Tharki, as I understand, can be defined as a person, whether man or woman, not only quenching their sexual intentions with their eyes but discussing openly about the same too. The Tharki term mostly applies to men, though “Tharki Aunties” are popular too). It can be fairly said that not all people in their mid fifties are full-fledged Tharkies but some real gentlemen who only use their piercing eyes to scan a “women in full attire” but remain calm and cool can also be labeled as Tharkies, though with a lesser degree.

But there are more kinds of this malice in every age group. Sexual harassment at workplaces is common all over the world. Other so called decent Tharki-Pan incidences can be witnessed at offices where bosses and colleagues spending and wasting precious time with the opposite sex employees over a cup of tea, or faking it as official discussion, resorting to extended gossip time during office lunch, market places where customers unnecessarily discussing and arguing with sales girls, passengers sitting by aisles in airplanes, trains and buses calling hostesses repeatedly for one pretext or other to have a close glimpse of their body curves, mere chit chat or a simple touch of fingers, hand or a shoulder. Salesmen can be seen lurking around salesgirls at large departmental stores. Even students, both boys and girls at university level behave as Tharkies. Social media also provides a great platform for satisfying such needs.

  

I remember while I was in early 30s of age, we office colleagues with varying age groups ranging from mid 20s to mid 50s used to hang out for dinner every weekend or fortnight. The gossip would always shift to women and sexual life. I would notice that aged friends would be talking more about it with much pleasure, excitement and ecstasy. This would always baffle me and I would remain indecisive whether they still have active sexual life! Of course I wouldn’t dare asking such a silly question to them but feel like asking; shame on you! how come you still talk this shit, and that; you should be offering prayers only and repent your guilty past and sins.

But I do used to read in newspapers and watched on television that high profile, past middle aged celebrities; politicians, wealthy business tycoons and personalities from entertainment world do get married at later ages of 50s and 60s and what made me more skeptical was that their wives were getting pregnant too.

Men are unbelievable and crazy breed. Whether decent or indecent, they are always Tharki. They are natural body scanners. They possess all ingredients and tools to bully the women, be it eyes, soft tongue, melting heart or through use of emotions/sentiments. They use them smartly. From a very young age the desire and lust ride their mind. Those who fear social, cultural and religious barriers suppress this desire till getting married. But marriages hardly prevent men from overcoming this bad habit. Women are always attractive if they are other than wives.

The Tharki-Pan culminates in old age, a real old age beyond 60s, even in 70s. Tharki-Pan feelings diminish altogether when they begin fighting a lost war with simultaneous illnesses and terminal diseases. 

Khushwant Singh lived and died as Tharki. Who else among us is not?