Angry I’m!

Hazrat Ali (AS) is quoted to have said: Don’t decide anything in anger and don’t make any promise when you are happy. Another quotation attributed to Hazrat Ali (AS) is: Anger begins with madness and ends with regret. Another anonymous saying is famous about anger that reads: Anger is punishing you for the mistake committed by someone else.

Why do we get angry is the question that carries several answers and explanations. Oxford Dictionary defines anger as: A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. Some other Dictionaries add reason to its definition as; anger aroused by injury, injustice or wrong provocation etc.

 

Under normal circumstances the angry behavior is extremely harmful, lands in trouble and forces one to take a hasty decision that most of the time goes in wrong direction impacting their life to negativity to such an extent that they fail to undo the blunder. Perhaps everyone gets angry with a degree of variation. Some go crazy instantly and behave insanely, others take time to become annoyed and still behave and respond sanely. I belong to a category somewhere in-between these extreme ends.

My late father used to love me a lot because I happened to be his youngest “son”. I enjoyed this position for 10 years till my younger brother was born after our four sisters. My father would often take me along with him on work i.e. field trips for agriculture revenue collection and ostensibly he was given targets by his office for such purpose. My father was an angry man. The poor villagers always resisted in paying taxes. I don’t know whether they couldn’t afford to pay water taxes called “Abyana” in reality or they pretended but it used to make Dad behave with them rowdily and insultingly. At the age of less than 10 years I always felt like crying, scared and embarrassed too.

Still a kid I made a resolve that I won’t be behaving with poor in my life the way Dad does now. Years down the road now, I’m contented to say that I have been treating poor and subordinate employees fairly well with due respect and dignity and try not to harm their self esteem. Unfortunately I couldn’t do nothing to prevent myself from inheriting my father’s dominant attribute i.e. Infuriation.

Normally I get irate quickly if something goes wrong against the norm. The good thing is; the mood melts down instantly too. It’s like “storm in a cup of tea”.  Nevertheless, getting wild and scolding-like lands me at times in an awkward situation leading to embarrassment and damaging to my character. People at the receiving end are usually my office colleagues, family members and friends but most of all, my wife and children.

Besides, there is also another issue that keeps me upset and concerned too. I remember from the adolescence that my elder brother used to show his dissent over my facial expressions that displayed unfriendly or rather harsh and annoying look when I made arguments over some matter. While it looked to me as normal discussion-tone but my brother would always warn me that I should mind my disposition and that I was being offensive and rude to him. I would protest on such occasions and defend myself, and even go and take a look in the mirror to confirm whether I looked so wounding. When such happenings became common and repetitive I silently conceded my weakness. Over the years I have made efforts to overcome my misdemeanors that erupt off and on but with little help. Luckily, to lessen the impact, I have learnt to apologize over my ill manners. But still some words and phrases dent too much and remain unforgiving.

Unfortunately, after decades of experiencing this ordeal now I realize that two of my children also carry the same genes i.e. they are following the footsteps of their grandfather. They sometimes converse in extremely angry mood, tone and display harsh facial expressions. When I ask them why they are behaving like so, they simply give me a stunning look and say that they never were, and that they were talking normally. Only I can understand that they are behaving normal but others wouldn’t digest this outrage.

The punch line is; no one is born perfect, everyone carries some genetic or other worldly /circumstantial weaknesses that lead them to show displeasure. I’m also a human being living with many weaknesses but at the same time striving not to hurt people with my eruptive fuming behavior anymore. May Allah (SWT) and those I have hurt forgive me!  

Retirement; boon or bane!

In April 2013 I wrote a blog on “Beyond Retirement” discussing how our life would take its course in post-retirement era. Some suggestions were given as to how it could be made healthier and “life full of life” before succumbing to the old age syndromes. Nevertheless, this take should be taken as an extension of previous write-up with a new dimension i.e. whether retirement comes handy and rewarding or keeps us devastated for the remainder life!

The other day my boss confided in me that if we were to retire now the perks of retirement would be enough to live a peaceful life provided we own a house, a car and we don’t have to pay regular children’s education fees. And of course our retired life is without any terminal disease. See! An ideal retired life is dependent on scores of ifs and buts. Though my superannuation age is still five years away but somehow it has started haunting me. I can’t explain why but just a thought of considering me a senior citizen, a dependent, gives shivers and looks daunting too.

Alhamdulillah, my career has been impeccable. There have been many an instances when people meeting the very first time greet me warmly and express their immense pleasure because of the reason that they have been hearing about my reputation in my absence since long. Once I was truly humbled on listening to a comment that I was a source of inspiration for the young lot and that they emulate my working style, efficiency and the quality of work I produce.

Moreover, when I asked a respectable retired senior colleague who is currently working in a private consultancy firm that whether I would be able to get a similar job like him when I retired from the job in 2020. Do you want me to arrange an appointment letter for you now, he enquired? It was a heartening comment I could ever hear.

So, why am I still worried? Prima facie the ticking needles of clock depress me all the time. They keep reminding me that I am on a brisk walk down the hill, and that, age is catching up fast. But the main disturbing reason is my unsettled life; over 30 years of job and I have not been able to own a house, still to go for Umrah or Hajj pilgrimage, get rid of loan installments that I’m paying for nearly 20 years on office loans I took one after the other to supplement my meager monthly salaries, to pay exorbitant educational fees of children, and even replacing the 20 year old car!

And it may also transpire at the time of retirement that I still need to pay for marriage expenses of my children in addition to the above! The experience gained from discussing to those retired people who underwent almost identical life speaks of harsh consequences. Most of the time the “commutation funds”, a lump sum handsome amount received on the day of retirement is spent instantly on purchase of residential plot or construction of house (if lucky to have owned a plot already) or it gets consumed in children’s marriages. The only boon left with them is the monthly pension that seems enough to run the kitchen expenses.

It may sound crazy of me to think about something that is going to happen after five years. You might be coming up with an advice for me that everything should be left to God and that He would create an easy path for me to live a peaceful retired life. Under ideal situations and circumstances it should be happening like that. It’s convincing as far as my faith is concerned and as long as prayers work but you know, I ponder a lot, thinking about everything, good to bad and the worst irrespective of what unfolds when the moment comes.

So, fingers crossed, let’s hope for the boon, but expect the bane too!

Tharki

A dear friend of mine gifted me a book titled “The Lessons of My Life” by renowned Indian writer and journalist late Khushwant Singh; a retrospection on his life spanning 98 years. He died at 99. In one of the chapters he writes about the woes of sexual life of men and women past their middle age. A paragraph is reproduced as under:

Quote…. Women go through a change in life around their late 40s, early 50s. Menopause can take several months, over which they become edgy, lose interest in sex and put on weight. Male menopause is accompanied by low testosterone, low libido, and usually occurs when men are in their 50s. It is of very short duration, therefore more dramatic and, unless men prepare of themselves in advance, can play havoc in their life..... Unquote.

All of my friends including me are in mid fifties, married, with grownup children, and even with grandchildren. I don’t know who have undergone their menopause state, even not sure of mine but it is true that men in our age group and even beyond are capable of enjoying “intimate moments” and remain “productive” too, though such desire, extent of physical strength and frequency gets weakened to much extent. The experienced and sex-crazy people in mid 50s emphasize that those who go for sex options other than “Halal” stuff not only prolong their prowess but enjoy excessively well and with greater frequency too.

The exposure to seductive and erotic material such as pictures, videos, movies, and similar written content have significant impact in arousing the sexual desire but it hardly transforms into getting the men in their mid fifties to turn on with the same fury and fire. While the spark in the eyes of such men remains as sharp as it had been in the young age, the “electric current” that used to circulate from head to groin with the speed of light impedes considerably. If one is not getting stimulating medicines and “desi recipes or Kushta” to keep their physical thirst alive and burning, the ageing process would keep them tame and turning away from sexual activity like; from once a week to once a fortnight, even to once a month, and this appetite deteriorating further all the time. Since people remain young mentally therefore they satisfy their physical needs through the use of eyes and tongue i.e. eyes to scan through the outfits, tongue to talk lustfully. The popular title given to such people in our society is “Tharki”.

Tharki, as I understand, can be defined as a person, whether man or woman, not only quenching their sexual intentions with their eyes but discussing openly about the same too. The Tharki term mostly applies to men, though “Tharki Aunties” are popular too). It can be fairly said that not all people in their mid fifties are full-fledged Tharkies but some real gentlemen who only use their piercing eyes to scan a “women in full attire” but remain calm and cool can also be labeled as Tharkies, though with a lesser degree.

But there are more kinds of this malice in every age group. Sexual harassment at workplaces is common all over the world. Other so called decent Tharki-Pan incidences can be witnessed at offices where bosses and colleagues spending and wasting precious time with the opposite sex employees over a cup of tea, or faking it as official discussion, resorting to extended gossip time during office lunch, market places where customers unnecessarily discussing and arguing with sales girls, passengers sitting by aisles in airplanes, trains and buses calling hostesses repeatedly for one pretext or other to have a close glimpse of their body curves, mere chit chat or a simple touch of fingers, hand or a shoulder. Salesmen can be seen lurking around salesgirls at large departmental stores. Even students, both boys and girls at university level behave as Tharkies. Social media also provides a great platform for satisfying such needs.

  

I remember while I was in early 30s of age, we office colleagues with varying age groups ranging from mid 20s to mid 50s used to hang out for dinner every weekend or fortnight. The gossip would always shift to women and sexual life. I would notice that aged friends would be talking more about it with much pleasure, excitement and ecstasy. This would always baffle me and I would remain indecisive whether they still have active sexual life! Of course I wouldn’t dare asking such a silly question to them but feel like asking; shame on you! how come you still talk this shit, and that; you should be offering prayers only and repent your guilty past and sins.

But I do used to read in newspapers and watched on television that high profile, past middle aged celebrities; politicians, wealthy business tycoons and personalities from entertainment world do get married at later ages of 50s and 60s and what made me more skeptical was that their wives were getting pregnant too.

Men are unbelievable and crazy breed. Whether decent or indecent, they are always Tharki. They are natural body scanners. They possess all ingredients and tools to bully the women, be it eyes, soft tongue, melting heart or through use of emotions/sentiments. They use them smartly. From a very young age the desire and lust ride their mind. Those who fear social, cultural and religious barriers suppress this desire till getting married. But marriages hardly prevent men from overcoming this bad habit. Women are always attractive if they are other than wives.

The Tharki-Pan culminates in old age, a real old age beyond 60s, even in 70s. Tharki-Pan feelings diminish altogether when they begin fighting a lost war with simultaneous illnesses and terminal diseases. 

Khushwant Singh lived and died as Tharki. Who else among us is not?

کعبہ کی فریاد

سنسناتی رات کی پُرواہیاں ، میرا سادہ لبادہ اڑاتی ہوئی

وہ دن کے تپتے صحرا کی ، گرم آندھی مجھ سے ٹکراتی ہوئی

کبھی کبھار برستی تیز بارش ، میرے اندر سرایت کرتی ہوئی

اور آسمان سے دن رات مجھ پہ ، چاند و سورج نظر ٹکاے ہوے

یہ سب کچھ بھلا لگتا تھا مجھے صدیوں سے ، پر اب کہاں

میری تڑپ میں بےقرار ، گرد آلود احرام اوڑھے ہوے

کبھی اونٹوں پر کبھی پیادل ، پاؤں لہولہان کیے

کوسوں دور سے ، مکہ کے پہاڑوں اور چھوٹے گھروں کے درمیاں

مجھ پر نگاہ پڑتے ہی ، سجدے میں گر جانے والے

یہ سب کچھ بھلا لگتا تھا مجھے صدیوں سے ، پر اب کہاں

ایمان کا جذبہ لئے ، مجھے دیکھنے کی آس کو سینے میں دبایے

سچی توبہ اور رزق حلال سے ، سفر حجاز پہ نکلنے والے

میرے گرد چکّر لگاتے ، گرتے پڑتے بے جان جسم

اور میرے پہلو میں جڑے ھجر اسود کو چومتے ہوے

یہ سب کچھ بھلا لگتا تھا مجھے صدیوں سے ، پر اب کہاں

بلند و بالا عمارتوں کے بیچ میں ، اب تو میں چھپ سا گیا ہوں

نہ رہے اونٹ نہ پیدل لوگ ، دور سے کسی کو میں کب نظر آتا ہوں

چاند بھی اونچی عمارتوں کی اوٹ سے آنکھ مچولی کرتا ہو جیسے

لاکھوں کا مجمع طواف کرتے ، ایک دوسرے کو کچل رہا ہو جیسے

یہ سب کچھ ہے کئی برسوں سے ، مجھے بھلا لگتا ہے اب کہاں

طواف ہوتا نہیں اب تو سیل فون کے بغیر ، ایسا لگتا ہے

زبان پر لبیک ہاتھ میں سیل ہونا ضروری ، ایسا لگتا ہے

میرا احترام اپنی جگہ ، پر سیلفی کلاک ٹاور کے سامنے بناتے ہیں

اور فرصت پاتے ہی یہاں سے ، ماڈرن مال میں شاپنگ کو لپکتے ہیں

یہ تماشہ چلا ہے چند برسوں سے ، مجھے بھلا لگتا ہے اب کہاں

اعجاز پتافی

نعت

کبھی تو میری بھی طلبی ہوگی حبیب ے مصطفیٰ کے دربار میں کبھی تو میں بھی آقا کے قدموں کے نشان چوموں گا

زبان پہ ضبط رہا اگر، آنکھوں میں سیلاب امڈ نہ آیا اب تلک نہ بلانے کا پھر، میں سبب ضرور پوچھوں گا

یہ گزارش بھی ہوگی یہیں پڑا رہنے دیں مجھے یا پھر اس غلام کو بار بار بلانے کا وعدہ لوں گا

ایک بار وہاں پہنچوں پھر مجھے کوئی ہٹاے کیسے اتنے برسوں کی تڑپ کو، چند دنوں میں، کیسے مٹا پاؤں گا

لاکھوں کو میرے مصطفیٰ بلاتے ہیں اپنی اور، ہر برس  اس سفر سے جو محروم ہوں، مجھے اس کا مداوا کرنا ہوگا

کہتے ہیں اجازت چاہیے سفر ے دیار ے نبی کیلئے کہاں بھٹکتا رہا ہوں، میری ہی غفلت کا نتیجہ ہوگا

اس مرتبہ پھر، جو میرا بلاوا نا آیا اگر وہاں جانے کی آس، میرے زندہ رہنے کا ہی بہانہ ہوگا

روز ے محشر پہ کون کر پایگا جدا مجھے انسے گا چھوڑوں نہ کبھی کو دامن کے آپ کیلئے شفاعت اپنی

اے خدا میرے نصیب میں جانے کا پروانہ ہوگا کہ نہیں میں تو بس آپ کے حضور درود و سلام بھیجتا رہوں گا

FLOODS: COMMITTEES, MEETINGS AND FACT FINDING MISSIONS

Day 1	The Minister Sahib is taking breakfast at 1300 hours in his personal Kothi (large bungalow) when an official bearer serving him whispers into his ear; Sir jee, a newspaper has published a report against you about flood havoc. What? Misinter Sahib looks blankly at the bearer. Jee, Sir jee. The paper accuses you as responsible for a deliberate breach in the in the protective bund (embankment) of river on the left bank to drown the poor and save your precious agricultural lands on the right bank. The bearer went on saying. Without taking a glance at the newspaper the Minister Sb picks up cell phone and calls his Personal Secretary. What’s this nonsense in the newspaper against me? You know that it was a government decision in the larger national interest to breach the bund on left bank instead of right because it is less populated and has less irrigated agriculture. You are absolutely right Sir, but you know this media, PS surrenders. I want a meeting on this issue today at 1700 hrs positively. Invite all concerned officers including Secretary Sahib of my Ministry. Keep media away from it, Minister roared. Yes Sir, replies the PS.
Meeting 1	Later in the evening, the meeting starts at 1900 hrs at arrival of the Minister. Minister yells; you all know that we have been working round the clock during the current floods to save poor people from the devastation and ensure that minimum loss is occurring to a common man but instead of lauding our efforts media is hurling allegations on us. After a long sermon of nearly half an hour, the Minister Sb grunts again; let’s formulate a ‘Fact Finding Committee’ to investigate the issue, fix the responsibility and submit its recommendations. And I tell you, Minister speaks firmly, no one would be spared if found guilty irrespective of their positions. With this Minister Sb announces that Committee will work under the chairmanship of Secretary, with Joint Secretary (JS) and the concerned Chief Engineer (CE) assisting him as members. Committee would submit its report within 15 days positively. After the meeting Secretary Sb whispers into Minister’s ear; Sir, we are scheduled to take a week long foreign visit on an official assignment next week. What to do with this Committee? Secretary Sb, you are a bureaucrat and you know better than me how to deal with in such situations, Minister Sb smiles meaningfully. He continues again; let things settle down, let people cope with the flood by themselves and let media shift its concentration to some other burning issue like Dharna (Sit-ins), terrorism or sectarianism. We would work according to our own pace. Are you getting me now? Minister looks piercingly into Secretary’s eyes. Yes sir, Secretary smiles mischievously. And yes, arrange Committee’s fact finding visit to the area before we depart for our foreign visit, Minister advises Secretary.
Day 2	A notification is issued from the Minister’s office on formation of high level Committee to probe into causes of flood in the vast adjoining area on left bank of the river. The Secretary heads the Committee while JS and CE are members assisting him.
Day 5, Fact Finding Mission of High Level Committee	The high level Committee undertakes the visit on a helicopter to get bird’s eyes view of flooded plains for estimation of losses. The helicopter also lands at one pre-planned spot, a makeshift Relief Camp where food, water, medicines, etc., are distributed to the ‘chosen’ affected people with buttery promises that emergency would be declared in the area; their houses would be rebuild, taxes on agricultural outputs waived off, roads reconstructed and hospitals/schools reopened shortly. And it is also revealed to disaster-hit people about the Committee’s formation to fix the responsibility on the officials involved in the heinous criminal act of breaching the river without prior notice to the masses living there.  After the visit, the convey flies to the UNESCO declared national wild park for hunting wild animal and birds, a place, where hunting is prohibited to preserve the endangered animals and birds from extinction. All the costs associated with this visit (except helicopter rent) are borne by the CE through a contractor who is promised of award of contract for rehabilitation works.
Day 36, Meeting 2: Formation of Sub-Committee	A month later when much of the hue and cry of flood affected population has died down to the deaf ears of all concerned high ranked officers, the Minister and Secretary are discussing floods and the Committee. Did you write field inspection report? Minister asks Secretary. Yes Sir, the report will be annexed with the main report. And How is the situation on ground? Sir, he replies, flood is no more there. People have started returning to their respective houses to repair them. The contractor has started the rehabilitation works of bund etc on verbal instructions of CE. The formalities will follow concurrently. So, how do you go about the Committee’s recommendations? Minister inquires again. Sir, I have issued a notification on constitution of Sub-Committee headed by a Superintending Engineer (SE), with an Executive Engineer (XEN) and a Tehsil-dar as members.
Day 42, Meeting 3	Xen and Tehsil-dar attend office of the SE. You know I’m heading the Sub-Committee to ascertain the cause of breach and collateral damage to the area, says SE. Yes Sir, reply both. Depute one of your Sub Divisional Officers (SDO) and a Patwari to the affected area for this purpose and prepare report on my behalf, SE instructs both. Sure Sir, both reply humbly with right hands on their respective chests.
Day 43, Meeting 4: Formation of Low Level  Fact Finding Mission 2	SDO Sb is visiting his boss’s office, the XEN. I’m here Sir, says SDO. Yaar, apne kisi Overseer ya Darogha ko survey keliye bhejo flooded area me (depute your subordinate for survey of the area). Ask him to take along a Patwari. Prepare the report in 2 days. And yes, fix the responsibility of breach on any of your field staff. We’ll decide how to save him and reinstate his job, directs XEN.
Day 50, Fact Finding Mission 2	SDO and the Patwari visit the area for the preparation of the report. Overseer and his staff arrange the tour, with lunch at a local landlord’s house. SDO and Patwari spend a week in getting the report prepared. For this purpose, they hire the services of a seasoned and retired ‘stenographer’ for translation of the report from local language to English and getting it typed as well. The report, which bears the names of XEN and Tehsil-dar, is then handed over to XEN.
Day 57, Meeting 5	XEN and Tehsil-dar are present in the meeting with the SE, while SDO, Overseer and Patwari wait outside. So, you have finalized the report, SE glances at a fairly thick document placed on his table. What’s in it? Who are responsible? SE asks while turning pages, glancing at the pictures of the flooded area attached with the report. Sir, XEN replies, we have investigated the matter thoroughly and arrived at a conclusion that breach on left bank bund occurred due to high flood with excessive velocity of water in the river. But the real damage was caused by the wild rodents (mice) and mongooses, which dug deep holes in the banks/bunds. River bunds were already under a tremendous pressure therefore, water seeped through these holes and ripped apart the weakened bund. But our staff carries out inspection on the banks during emergency! They should have taken remedial measures to avoid this calamity! SE reminds XEN. Yes Sir, we have found out that our staff; the Overseer, Daroghas, and Beldars have committed gross negligence in this respect and were neither performing their duties seriously nor showing due diligence. And, what are your recommendations, asks SE. Sir, XEN says, the report recommends suspension of above officials from the service, and the establishment of an enquiry committee under code of conduct to investigate the matter for officials’ criminal negligence or otherwise. Okay, I’ll share this report with CE and seek his further instructions and guidance, says SE.
Day 72, Meeting 6	SE is briefing CE about the report.  Sir, we have finalized it and have also fixed the responsibility on our staff for being careless and negligent. If report approved, they would be suspended from the service till an enquiry committee to prove our charges against them or it may absolve/clear them of any such wrongdoing. CE takes a look at the report, asks for improvement in the quality of text, grammar and pictures. Print an improved draft copy for discussing the same with JS before presenting it to the Secretary Sb, CE advises SE.
Day 100, Meeting 7	CE and JS are sitting with Secretary Sb on finalization of flood report. Secretary Sb instructs them to prepare an executive summary of this report on behalf of the high level committee and annex the sub-committee’s report with it.   And yes, Secretary Sb warns sternly, fix at least a 17-Grade SDO responsible for this flood fiasco. This would release pressure on senior officers and the report would get an approval nod from the Minister Sb.
Day 130, Meeting 8. Final Report	The high level committee report, duly signed by Secretary Sb, JS and CE is presented to the Minister Sb for his perusal and further instructions i.e. issuance to the government, and/or media. File the report in office record without releasing to anyone especially media, Minister Sb issues directions. People have short memory and there are serious issues cropping up every day for a common man, Minister Sb continues, no one remembers now if flood ever played havoc in the area about 6 months ago.