Fading Memory

This blog is not aimed at discussing medical terms relating to memory loss like: Dementia or Alzheimer, its causes and the subsequent medical or spiritual treatment to recover or stall the loss to a certain level. I just want to share my experience as to how and when I got into observing that I have started losing my memory.

As I find through experience memory loss is a slow process that begins in the age of 40s under normal circumstances. It starts with some rare and random instances of forgetting people and things especially names of distant relative and friends, acquaintances, co-workers and neighbors. It is then followed by real memory loss when you begin forgetting important tasks repeatedly and frequently. You become forgetful and embarrassingly turn blank when asked about an update on an important assignment in the office. On some other instance you fail to recall the name of an office colleague during a meeting and end up scratching your head. We escape this awkwardness by uttering; sorry, I forgot or I beg your pardon, etc., nevertheless, such excuses stop working when frequency of such occurrences multiplies. On a personal or family note, things get worse when you forget it completely that you were supposed to buy certain items (Milk, Bread, eggs, and Dahi, etc.) on way back home from the workplace on the instructions of your spouse. This is a serious noncompliance. :)

Have you ever noticed that you often mix-up names of your children? For example you want to call your son “Ali” and shout for elder “Ahmed” instead. And during a discussion on any matter with your family members you often confuse X with Y and vice versa. Is it as a result of fading memory or something else?

When you begin finding yourself at the receiving end on some important issues that were forgotten altogether, it’s time one realized that process of memory loss has reached at an irreversible point, owing to ageing predominantly or some other medical reasons generally.

After having written the above paragraphs let me declare myself a “forgetful person” too. Nearing the retirement age, I find it hard to remember people, names and things when it matters a lot. Memory loss was subtle and slow in the first place; I started calling my children with their cousins’ names occasionally. My wife would smile at me suspiciously and act with solace and appreciation that since my nieces and nephews were very dear to me therefore I mixed up their names. I, in turn, would largely agree with her, sheepishly though. Nevertheless, it kept happening time and again, and as I grew older I began forgetting some common things; names of performing art celebrities, title of books and authors, movie titles, politicians, TV-anchors, office colleagues, and relatives, while being in the middle of gossip, discussions or during arguments.

Holding an important and senior position demands sharpness in memory because one keeps working on many vital tasks simultaneously. I tend to forget it sometimes altogether that I have to produce multiple outcomes instead of one result, and need a reminder for it. At times I baffle when my boss asks: Did you respond to the fax I sent you in the morning? Which fax? I ask bewilderingly, in spite of the fact that I had already responded on the same matter. And at times I also forget that the previous day I assigned some important task to one of my junior staff and seek his response on it today and unless my junior turns up himself he can get away with it till I remember some days later.

Now, you know that I tend to forget people and things, on and off, and therefore, you must be logical in judging me that my work performance and delivery or output should have declined considerably or even substantially, but let me reveal to you that it’s not like that. I still remember (forgetful person can remember, though) most of the things I need to remember. For example I never forget current tasks but do forget some concurrent ones. Similarly, I do not forget birth-dates of all family members and loved ones (Did you notice I wrote ‘birth-dates’, not ‘birthdays’). Never forget all those who have extended even a slightest favour, those who helped me in difficult times, those who cared for me, loved me, those who hated me, still revile me, and of course those who prayed for me.

In spite of the above, my fading memory never lets me forget that I’m a weak, sinful and mortal being and therefore, always seek forgiveness from the people I hurt, and from the Almighty Allah (swt) whose commandments I flout intentionally and inadvertently and perhaps would be doing till I breathe my last.