A dear friend of mine gifted me a book titled “The
Lessons of My Life” by renowned Indian writer and journalist late Khushwant
Singh; a retrospection on his life spanning 98 years. He died at 99. In one of
the chapters he writes about the woes of sexual life of men and women past
their middle age. A paragraph is reproduced as under:
Quote…. Women go through a change in life around
their late 40s, early 50s. Menopause can take several months, over which they
become edgy, lose interest in sex and put on weight. Male menopause is
accompanied by low testosterone, low libido, and usually occurs when men are in
their 50s. It is of very short duration, therefore more dramatic and, unless
men prepare of themselves in advance, can play havoc in their life..... Unquote.
All of my friends including me are in mid fifties, married,
with grownup children, and even with grandchildren. I don’t know who have
undergone their menopause state, even not sure of mine but it is true that men
in our age group and even beyond are capable of enjoying “intimate moments” and
remain “productive” too, though such desire, extent of physical strength and
frequency gets weakened to much extent. The experienced and sex-crazy people in
mid 50s emphasize that those who go for sex options other than “Halal” stuff not
only prolong their prowess but enjoy excessively well and with greater
frequency too.
The exposure to seductive and erotic material such as
pictures, videos, movies, and similar written content have significant impact
in arousing the sexual desire but it hardly transforms into getting the men in
their mid fifties to turn on with the same fury and fire. While the spark in
the eyes of such men remains as sharp as it had been in the young age, the “electric
current” that used to circulate from head to groin with the speed of light impedes
considerably. If one is not getting stimulating medicines and “desi recipes or
Kushta” to keep their physical thirst alive and burning, the ageing process would
keep them tame and turning away from sexual activity like; from once a week to
once a fortnight, even to once a month, and this appetite deteriorating further
all the time. Since people remain young mentally therefore they satisfy their
physical needs through the use of eyes and tongue i.e. eyes to scan through the
outfits, tongue to talk lustfully. The popular title given to such people in
our society is “Tharki”.
Tharki, as I understand, can be defined as a person,
whether man or woman, not only quenching their sexual intentions with their
eyes but discussing openly about the same too. The Tharki term mostly applies to
men, though “Tharki Aunties” are popular too). It can be fairly said that not
all people in their mid fifties are full-fledged Tharkies but some real gentlemen
who only use their piercing eyes to scan a “women in full attire” but remain
calm and cool can also be labeled as Tharkies, though with a lesser degree.
But there are more kinds of this malice in every age
group. Sexual harassment at workplaces is common all over the world. Other so
called decent Tharki-Pan incidences can be witnessed at offices where bosses
and colleagues spending and wasting precious time with the opposite sex
employees over a cup of tea, or faking it as official discussion, resorting to
extended gossip time during office lunch, market places where customers
unnecessarily discussing and arguing with sales girls, passengers sitting by
aisles in airplanes, trains and buses calling hostesses repeatedly for one
pretext or other to have a close glimpse of their body curves, mere chit chat
or a simple touch of fingers, hand or a shoulder. Salesmen can be seen lurking
around salesgirls at large departmental stores. Even students, both boys and
girls at university level behave as Tharkies. Social media also provides a
great platform for satisfying such needs.
I remember while I was in early 30s of age, we office
colleagues with varying age groups ranging from mid 20s to mid 50s used to hang
out for dinner every weekend or fortnight. The gossip would always shift to
women and sexual life. I would notice that aged friends would be talking more
about it with much pleasure, excitement and ecstasy. This would always baffle
me and I would remain indecisive whether they still have active sexual life! Of
course I wouldn’t dare asking such a silly question to them but feel like
asking; shame on you! how come you still talk this shit, and that; you
should be offering prayers only and repent your guilty past and sins.
But I do used to read in newspapers and watched on
television that high profile, past middle aged celebrities; politicians,
wealthy business tycoons and personalities from entertainment world do get
married at later ages of 50s and 60s and what made me more skeptical was that their
wives were getting pregnant too.
Men are unbelievable and crazy breed. Whether decent or
indecent, they are always Tharki. They are natural body scanners. They possess
all ingredients and tools to bully the women, be it eyes, soft tongue, melting heart
or through use of emotions/sentiments. They use them smartly. From a very young
age the desire and lust ride their mind. Those who fear social, cultural and
religious barriers suppress this desire till getting married. But marriages
hardly prevent men from overcoming this bad habit. Women are always attractive
if they are other than wives.
The Tharki-Pan culminates in old age, a real old age
beyond 60s, even in 70s. Tharki-Pan feelings diminish altogether when they
begin fighting a lost war with simultaneous illnesses and terminal diseases.
Khushwant Singh lived and died as Tharki. Who else among us is not?
