Role Model

It was an unusual morning; Baba (my father) was getting ready in a hurry and asking Ammi (my mother) to wrap up some additional suits for his journey. She looked sad, terrified and kept wiping tears from her eyes. Father looked pale too, and with a fake smile, said goodbye to us and boarded a Tonga (horse carriage) for the bus stop where he would catch a bus for Sukkur. He was to appear in a court of law for the final hearing where verdict was to be issued regarding his alleged embezzlement with government funds. While leaving he said if I fail to turn up by evening, it would mean the decision went against me and I am sent to jail.

Much to our delight and expectations, father returned home late evening; garlanded and running a huge grin under his sprawling mustache. This time he was vindicated, as against the previous occasion, when he had spent a few months in Nara Jail, Sukkur. It was in 1966. By then I was six years old kid. For the next ten years my father’s job remained on the anvil due to not an impeccable record. Eventually, he was forcibly retired. At that tender age I had in mind the only thing; father’s work was not good enough.

During the same period, we, the kids of our street, began offering prayers in the nearby mosque. It was more a fun than fulfilling the religious obligation because we were yet to learn offering Salaah, the Prayers, correctly. It was hardly second or third day at the mosque when my slippers were stolen and I returned home crying hapless and helplessly. This incidence kept me away from the mosques for many years. Nevertheless, I kept offering Friday prayers where our (kids) sole intention was to push each other in the Salaah assembly and utter “Ameen” as loud as we could during a joint dua. Respectable from every angle, Imam of the mosque looked to me a person more dependent on rich neighbors than our Creator.

I also started listening to music at a very early age. Both Pakistani and Indian songs airing on radio was a great enjoyment for me. And with songs, I developed a habit of liking movies; the habit that was going to last forever. The action movies were my favorite, and those film heroes depicted as dacoits were role models for me. I used to make a wish in the childhood that some dacoit-gang may kidnap me and train me so that I become a dacoit, go on a killing spree of all cruel landlords, usurpers, industrialists, and those who looted & exploited poor. The captured fortunes would then be distributed among poor people.

In mid 1970s we bought a new tractor on bank installments. On a very next day my elder brother still in teens took it on main road driving recklessly and hit a horse-driven cart (Tonga). Our driver took the responsibility and pretended before the police that he had hit the Tonga accidently. While the driver was in police custody father took me along with him to the police station to get the driver freed. I still remember the police behavior with my father. They were rude, scolding, abusive, insulting and shameful. It was too difficult to withstand such a treatment. After begging, paying bribe and compensation, the driver was finally released. That incident was just more than enough for me to stay away from opting police as a career.

My father always wanted me to choose an engineering career, civil engineering in fact, to become either irrigation engineer or roads engineer so that I could (mis)use power, authority and illicit means to become instantly rich. I did become a civil engineer, got a job in a public organization but failed to fulfill my father’s dream. I proved a failure in the world’s eyes because I was a coward; listened to my conscience and ended up working in offices for desk-job assignments which are commonly known as “khudday-line positions” i.e. non-earning positions. Though still resisting, sometimes I feel weak enough and get tempted to follow the same course everyone is following; earning through dishonest means and enjoy comfortable life.

In last 30 years, I have worked with scores of good, bad and ugly officers. Among bad and ugly they can be termed as weird, greedy and obnoxious. At the same time I had an opportunity of working with an expert who was and remains my role model in terms of technical knowledge, competence, efficiency and above all, honesty. Late Mr. Nisar Ali Akhtar, a retired Vice President/Engineer from NESPAK was an advisor on a project where I used to work with him for almost 5 years during early 2000 years.  He was a gem of a person, with a treasure of technical knowledge and experience. An arrogant and snob for many but he was a kind hearted, knowledge sharing, helping colleague and a source of guidance for me. His company is responsible in making me stronger and tough against transgression. May Allah (SWT) have mercy on him and have him his eternal abode in Jannah. A’meen. He appears in my prayers regularly.

After completing MBA in the middle age I got the opportunity to teach part time at University level. It was real fun and satisfying. Just wonder if I could have made it to a better teacher had I chosen this career! But then teaching was neither considered as an ideal profession for engineers nor did it earn a handsome living in early 1980s.

Finally, I must reiterate that a role model for a Muslim can only be Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and his companions, for any action, at each step and in every walk of life. Let’s pray for revival of our character and purity of our thoughts to be able to follow their footsteps. 

A Morning Walk

The title is pretty familiar. This is something that takes us down the memory lane to the era of our elementary schooling days when essays were hard to write and tougher to memorize. Usually the essay would start like; my father wakes me up early for the Salah (Morning Prayers) and then he takes me to a nearby garden for a walk. The garden is full of flowers, fragrance, birds chirping, etc. etc. and the essay would emphasize that morning walk is extremely necessary for good health.

When I used to memorize this essay there wasn’t any garden in my neighborhood but those good and peaceful times wouldn’t resist us from visiting the parks and garden located at a fair distance during evening times. As I grew I started developing a habit of waking up early for Salah as well as going for a morning walk in a nearby garden. It’s more than thirty years now that I am carrying on this routine without change except for extremely cold and foggy winter mornings.

Being in Lahore is a great blessing because wherever and whichever part you live in the city it is always in the vicinity of parks and gardens. Most of the jogging tracks are built along the circumference of the parks and large gardens, usually in circular position. They range from a few hundred meters to 2-3 kilometers. This provides ample opportunity to build a habit of visiting them for jogging or brisk walking. Both morning and evening times bring you a scenic view of jogging tracks full of people; children, young boys & girls, middle aged as well as elders too. Many people prefer to walk in the evenings because of their early busy schedules or habitual of waking up late but I find the mornings more suitable due to tranquility, cool breeze, less crowd and little noise & pollution.

According to the convenience, preferences or whatever reason, the joggers and brisk walkers move in both directions on the jogging tracks i.e. clockwise and anti-clockwise. Interestingly the number of joggers in anti-clockwise direction is always more than the people in clockwise direction which continues to be a mystery, at least for me. Just wonder whether all the joggers and walkers have any connection with the facts that six (of eight) planets revolve around sun in anti-clockwise direction, earth rotates on its axis in anti-clockwise direction, blood circulates anti-clockwise in human body and millions of people in Makkah rotate anti-clockwise to perform Tawwaf during Umrah/Hajj!  

Coming back to brisk walking; from my youth till early middle age I used to walk in a direction where I could face maximum pretty faces of young girls. Hence, I would walk clockwise i.e. against the massive wave of joggers/walkers. As the spark started fading, so did I changed my position and started walking along with them.

Our current rented house is in the vicinity of a small ladies park which is used by all men and women for morning walk. Its’ circumference hardly measures 250-300 meters with a width of 1.5 meter. Hence making circles repeatedly on this track is like moving under centrifugal force or riding a bike in “the Well of Death”. However, by doing so, I came across a strange habit of mine; I can’t see people overtake me on a jogging track. And the worst of all, can’t withstand people walking swifter than me even in the opposite direction. Let me explain this crazy phenomenon: If I hear some noise of jogging shoes getting closer to me from behind I would start walking swifter, not to let the other walker overtake me. Similarly when I find someone walking faster than me in the opposite direction I mark the location visually where we made a crossing. In a complete round, there are two such marking points. And I make every effort in the next round to beat the opponent reaching these marks. While playing this game at the age of 50 plus I end up making my ankles and feet aching from fatigue and sleep restlessly the following afternoon and night. I wake up the next morning with the same vigor again.

My life-long rendezvous with the walking tracks has borne fruits. Alhamdulillah, I’m free of ageing maladies like insomnia, blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol, etc., which usually prowl in this age bracket. Allah (SWT) has been very kind and merciful to keep me healthy. Perhaps I was destined to choose either of them, not both of them; wealth and health. When my greed tried to grab the wealth, an invisible force pushed me to capture wealth of health. So here it is.

Beyond Retirement!

According to the definition at Wikipedia, “retirement” is the point where a person stops employment completely. A person may also semi-retire by reducing work hours.

Although our age-group is in mid fifties; still away from the retirement age (varies in different countries) yet the retirement blues has already begun haunting us to explore things we will be doing or ought to be doing to keep ourselves busy, productive and living beyond this ill-fated cutoff date. The retirement affects the life of all generally but its impact is severe on those who work in public sector particularly.

You were conditioned for more than 30 years to wake up early, have a cup of tea while scrolling eyes on the newspaper, and getting ready for office. Now, imagine the very first weekday of post retirement; no chauffer driven official car is awaiting you outside, no telephone calls to reach immediately for a meeting, in fact no one waits at office for you. You are free. You are redundant. You are surplus. An indispensable and industrious person just a day earlier has suddenly been rendered nonfunctional, if not dysfunctional. The cruel world took no time to adjust working without you; declare you a senior citizen.

This happens to be your longest day of life when there’s nothing to be done, and there’s nothing you want to do either. This very first and longest day of post retirement life makes you aged by some more years instantly. The shock is nonabsorbent. Soon you would meet another upsetting revelation that your spouse does not like you to meddle in the household discipline that she has been maintaining for decades. She would rather advise you to spend daytime equivalent to office hours of 9 to 5 doing something, anything, which keeps you outside of her kingdom. 

It is generally believed that people cannot live long and healthy life once they are retired. Perhaps, the abrupt shock of becoming worthless in an overnight is killing. This disappointing impact gets minimized if one is enjoying a large family under the same roof. Presence of spouse, grownup children and grand children can be a great solace to offset the retirement blues.

So, how and what do we foresee doing after retiring from active office life? Here are some of the options you may like to get engaged into:

• Reemployment; this is the best one if you feel physically strong, mentally active and fit. Your employer may not necessarily agree with your opinion in the entirety, though.
• Enjoying old age benefits.
• Turning entrepreneur investing your savings in some business like real estate construction, doing small businesses, part time teaching etc.
• Besides reading habits, you may like to begin writing and contributing to print and electronic media, etc.
• Engage yourself in household works; gardening, helping spouse in the kitchen and performing school pick & drop duty for grand children.
• Enjoy travelling around the world out of your retirement savings.
• Investing all of your money, if still safe from your grownup children and grand children, into saving banks for a fixed monthly return on it to meet your medical bills and other needs.
• Making your life-long dream come true; putting all money into buying/building your own house and then enjoying the peaceful life. Nevertheless, be financially dependent on your children, forever.
• Getting fully involved into religious activities, and doing some social work, and
• Living a depressive, melancholic and solitary (or with spouse) life where your only worthwhile asset is sweet memories.

While reminiscing the past we may find ourselves contented with the course of events unfolded during our life time and we made decisions accordingly, yet few of us may regret taking some crucial decisions that landed them into a future entirely different from what they had perceived about.

We cannot figure it out how exactly our post retirement life would take its course but the dominant factor would be the waiting; waiting for the ultimate happening i.e. departure from this world peacefully and calmly. Almost all of us live an ordinary life under a small circle of family and friends. As we seldom remember our grandparents, our grandchildren would also take no time to forget us. Some 70-80 years of our vibrant life trying to make an impact on this world would end with hardly anyone missing it.

Like millions, dead and forgotten earlier, we will also fade away, for sure.

The Hollowness of Life

Have you ever felt or realized that something always bothers you inside, making you ponder deeply over some deprivations of life? Despite having every comfort, you remain downhearted at times not knowing exactly the reasons for this feeling! Sometimes you can figure it out but not able to redress the issue because of peculiarity of your circumstances, surroundings, and age factor.

I find myself living with almost all life-goals fulfilled. But in spite of having lived a near perfect life what is it that is left undone and unconquered which creates a permanent void in my life, a deep hollow, an abyss which is yet to be fathomed or discovered! Why a feeling of emptiness persists? Why this hollowness has been living along throughout my life? From adolescence to young to middle age and to finally nearing old age the hollowness never leaves us alone, with ever-changing known and often unknown reasons.

Has it something to do with our unending wants and desires? I presume everyone is going through this dilemma. Everyone whatever his/her age, wherever living, whatever doing, rich or poor, is somehow uneasy and disconcerted over something which keeps all staring into space restlessly.

Are we sucked in by the unlimited worldly targets & goals that remain far from being attained which finds us camped at the base of high mountains with the uncertainty of reaching the peak ever? This feeling perturbs and leaves us gazing into horizon trying to come to terms to mysteries of life. Some of the common reasons of our hollowness could be attributed to the following reasons:

• Young People: Fearful of uncertain future, disintegration of families, unpredictable & unknown potential life partners, and delayed marriages etc. 
• Immigrants in the West: Missing their ailing parents, regretting not being there.
• Expatriates in the Middle East: Missing their wives, children, parents and social life. Some lowly educated workers wish to see their loans paid back so that their mortgaged houses/animals/agriculture lands back home could be cleared. Another disheartening aspect with the expatriates is that their families, relatives do not want them to return because of high remittances they send to them (easy money for extravagance).
• High ranked officers/bureaucrats/politicians: Lust for more powers, authority, money, estate etc.
• Ordinary workers/businessmen: Children’s educational expenses, social costs, loans, daughters’ marriage expenses, owning a small house etc.
• A poor majority: Yearns for fulfilling basic needs all along its life 

Someone can argue that this depression is due to spirituality of life that we miss upon. We do not turn to Almighty Allah (swt) as often as we should with surrendering our body and soul to Him. And that we have forgotten altogether that we will finally return to our Creator someday for which we need to get prepared. I presume many of my age group people haven’t forgotten this aspect and seek repentance regularly and many times a day but still feel devoid of something unknown. And has this gloominess something to do with conscience? A guilty conscience with which we would not be able to face the accountability on the Judgment Day! There are endless questions aimed at searching the answer(s) so that we can be at rest, contented and peace.

One of the reasons for our dissatisfaction could also be owing to the fact that our lives are too self-centered. Our world is confined to our family, friends and colleagues. Cell-phones, computers and televisions have taken over as our friends now. We know less people in our street by name than TV anchors, drama artists, singers and newscasters. I for one have not befriended any new person in real life in a decade but added 100s on Internet social sites. Our traditional evening gossips in the neighbourhoods are extinct now. In the past we also used to interact regularly after/on Juma Prayers in the mosques to exchange pleasantries but ever since Friday has been declared a weekday, this practice is no more in use. The deafening Calls for Ba-jama’at (joint) Namaz from nearby mosques just remind us to offer the prayers in solitude without walking to the mosque. Many of us are not blessed with even listening to such Calls. The fast pace of life that sets high standards of living leaves no room for humane aspect, no time for asking well being of the people living around us. The kindness, humility, and a greeting smile are reserved for family & friends fraternity.

Another reason for persistent despair that hits the sensitive mind is the vast class difference of haves and have-nots in the society, the acceptance of corrupt people at the helm of affairs of the nation, disintegration of population into sects and other ills prevalent all over the place.

Yet another possible reason that resides at the back of our mind but haunts regularly is the scare of imminent death. We, at 50 plus years, have completed about 75% of our average age and going through the process of recollecting our life events; good and bad decisions, and trying to imagine the world without us. Have our children attained the goals that we foresaw for them, where we would be buried, whether our children and grand children would ever visit our eternal abodes and remember us in their prayers to help us minimize the (God forbid) punishment in hereafter are some of the questions we ask ourselves repeatedly!

The hollowness will stay side by side with us.

Maidservants

They are indispensible but intolerable too. It is a general wisdom that neither the presence of maidservants keeps housewives satisfied and happy nor their absence does. Life without maids is not only miserable it is unthinkable for housewives and other ladies managing their home affairs. Housemaids are mostly found in abundance in posh and affluent societies, usually living in the servant quarters of large bungalows and remain on call round the clock. A large population of them also works as daytime workers in upper middleclass and middleclass areas.

This community is widely called as Maasi, Naukrani, Kaam wali larki or Mai. At times they are also called with their half names or nicks like Nooran, Chhona, Chanda, etc. They invade the house when male members of the house leave for work and children go to school. They perform multiple household assignments e.g. cleaning, pocha (rubbing the floor with wet piece of rag), dusting, dishwashing, laundry, ironing and cooking (sometimes just making chapati or even limited to making dough).

From the moment these maids take control of the house, they work like machines (housewives always call them lethargic and kaam-chor) to finish the job as quickly as possible and run to the next house for a similar work. The housewife would invariably take every measure to pointing out maid’s mistakes and her carelessness to the work so that maid redoes incomplete jobs, her stay gets prolonged. The great lady in the same breath asks her to finish the work as quickly as possible. On the contrary, the maid would always insist that she has done all assignments with great care and responsibility. Exchange of foul words, explicitly by housewives and slyly (dil hi dil me) by maids, never stops. Staring into each other’s eyes is a very common sight.

All the necessary electrical gadgets we own for easing out our lives are operated by maids widely & wildly resulting in frequent repairs and replacement of them in almost a year’s time. Science and technology are yet to invent such home appliances that cannot be damaged by the maids. It shouldn’t be surprising if manufacturers of washing machines, irons and vacuum cleaners print a tag called “Maids Proof” on them in near future.

One needs to glance at the maid when she irons the clothes; she literary fights a boxing match with clothes. Her arms move as swiftly as a boxer tries to hit the opponent. If a TV is playing a drama or film at the time the maid does ironing, rest assured the outcome would be burnt clothes. By the way, are you aware of any housemaid that has not burnt the expensive clothes of Begum Sahiba while ironing? Sometimes the burnt dresses are the brand new ones which poor Begum Sahiba is yet to put on. Similarly, school dresses of children have never survived maids’ wrath. The not-so-expensive shirt of Sahib-jee sometimes also carry hot ironing stamp somewhere near ribs, arms or at the backside.

After every dusting assignment, the housewife would grab the hand of a maid and show her the dusty patches she intentionally left undone on a dressing table, showcase, TV screen and furniture. Ask a maid to clean the mirror with wet newspaper, she would find a blackened paper, most of the time the one which carries film advertisements and here, your mirror is more blurred than ever. And then, maids have long & unknown enmity with books, laptops and computers. Cleaning of these articles is surely beyond their jurisdiction.

Coming to the laundry; if you are habitual of putting on new clothes after an initial wash to kill the fabric smell, be ready for its discoloring or application of an abstract art on it. Mend your habits to put on new clothes as long as you can because once it reaches in the domain of a maid, only prayers can get you back in the same shape and shade. Many a times you forgot to take out handkerchiefs and small currency notes from the pockets of shirts and pants. After washing, spinning and ironing, you would always find these items crumpled up exactly where you left them.

Something on cooking; if your kitchen is being run & ruled by the maids then you need to buy monthly grocery every fortnight and ignore the wastages. After every meal the large quantity of residual food lands in the shopping bags maids carry always with them. Maids are very bad cook; it is generally portrayed by housewives. If family members begin liking the cooking of a maid, the credit always rests with the housewife because she taught her cooking skills. Similarly if the maids are given free hand to dishwashing (literally speaking they always have) then the housewives are ought not to count and recount the glassware.

In spite of above narrated blues one must always consider the great ease, advantage and luxury of having maids at our doorstep. A maid employed to work for 3 assignments i.e. cleaning, dishwashing and laundry gets less than 5000 rupees a month, a meager amount less than or equal to 1 to 5 percent of our monthly household income and we still remain unsatisfied over maids’ ever increasing salaries. Most of us serve them with leftover foods and old & used clothes to wear (literally rags or those that cannot fit us). We treat them inhumanly and exploit their poverty shamelessly; hardly offer them hot fresh meals, new clothes, shoes or advancing them part of their salaries. We insist maids to do laundry on daily basis with chilling cold tap water under freezing temperatures. Be storm, thunder, cold or rain, she must be there. A maid is ought to be immune to diseases or at least she pretend to.

It is generally alleged that housemaids are synonymous with stealing of household items especially cash, jewelry and cell phones. If something is lost or forgotten, the first accused is always a maid. Sometimes they undergo insult, torture and dishonor over the theft charges they never committed. I’m yet to undergo such an experience but we did find some maids consuming some eatables like biscuits & fruits as well as stealing raw food items like sugar & tea without our permission. Prima facie, it looks a breach of contract or shaking our confidence but factually it is more a disgraceful act on our part over keeping the maids starving and needy on such petty things.

I must share a spine chilling incident here: Once cleaning the floor, a teenage daughter of our maid took in hand a peel/shell of a Pine-nut (Chilgoza), brought that to my wife and asked what we called it! With her eyes open, my wife asked in disbelief: Haven’t you eaten Chilgozay before? The girls’ reply was astounding, bloodcurdling and heartbreaking; someone gave us a little quantity of them a few days ago but we didn’t know what they were and how it was eaten! We found ourselves being sucked in a quicksand.