May I ask; who do you love
the most, parents or children?
Sounds
a silly question! Isn’t it? The fact is; reply of this plainly asked question
carries much complexity. Majority of people would like their answers as “both”;
parents and children, because they never like to distinguish one from the other.
Now if we zoom-in and take a look at the lives of people who answered as “both”
it would be revealing that most of them are living with their children, not
with the parents.
Some
people argue that living away from the parents does not necessarily mean they
do not love their parents. It’s just circumstances that dictate them where and
how to live. For example; outstation job forces you to leave your parents. After
getting married you prefer to take your spouse with you because it doesn’t
require great deal of extra space and financial or other resources. On the
other hand it becomes an uphill task to move your entire family i.e. parents
and spouse to a new and temporary place in the vicinity of your workplace as
many deterrents come into force instantly preventing you from taking such a
decision, like refusal by parents (and siblings) to move, absence of large
house, and limited salary, etc. The situation gets more intricate when one gets
a job abroad for a prolonged period.
So, we
conclude here that love for parents never diminishes even though one is not living
with them!
Let me
put up another question: who do you care the most; parents or wife/kids?
After
frowning for a while over me your reaction would again be; both. Now if you
take a moment to ponder over the facts that who have been living with you for
long and who don’t you would arrive at a predictable answer.
Keeping
the above questions aside there are some strong and real reasons which prove
that as you grow old, get married and start raising your own family, your
priorities shift from parents to children. In fact, while you are starting to
raise/expand your family, your parents are usually in good health and they do
not need much of your time and attention. But once they grow old and retired
from jobs, they seek and deserve your attention and care. Though in many cases
parents receive regular financial help from their offspring who do not live
with them, their physical contact get irregular, infrequent, brief, hollow and
emotionless; often limited to typical hello, hi, how’s life, and don’t worry mom/dad
you are getting aged. Thus, love factor may stay beneath your heart and soul,
care is certainly nowhere visible.
In
modern times love and care are not merely feelings they are physical indicators
of happiness. Tell you what! The
electronic advancement in telecom is responsible for heartbreak of many a
parents. It has diminished the chance for parents to feel the presence of their
offspring and has snatched the right to embrace them more often. On the
contrary it is proving a blessing in disguise for children because they prefer
to get in touch with their parents by audio and video means. The children are
often found being rhetoric that they frequently call their parents and interact
through video chatting and by doing so they try to portray their love and
affection for them.
Strangely
enough, parents always feel that children cannot live without them. This is
partly true as long as children are dependent. Once grownup and start earning
their own living, children become careless and ignorant about their parents.
Once a humble, submissive and mannered son starts behaving rudely and argumentative
in the first place, disobedience and arrogance comes next. Parents get hurt but
remain silent most of the time, left shattered and crying inside.
And
then life takes a vicious but natural turn; children turn parents. Now they
begin learning how parenthood is all about; feeding, cleaning up and changing
pampers, waking up all night to soothe wildly crying babies. The nonstop care
of their kids remind them how their parents must have gone through all these
steps for them and made every effort to meet their unending needs and limitless
desires. During all these years one only infrequently looks back to watch
welfare of one’s parents and devote some quality time for them. The next
generation is growing; it is demanding, need pocket money in plenty to fulfill
the dreams at the tender age. These young people turn belligerent if not
violent at the whim of any denial of their “right”. At every quarrelsome argument his offspring
come up with, the new parent remembers his own bad behaviors. At any
disobedience he counts his own foul-language and misdemeanors with his parents.
Heartbroken and snubbed at the hands of their children, the new parents look to
redeem their mistakes by returning to their old parents but only a few succeed
in finding them alive!
There
are plenty of old and frail parents, sometimes single, living in large houses
in our posh societies whose offspring have either emigrated or living
separately. They are being taken care of by themselves or hired nurses instead
of their children. They have lived their lives and are waiting impatiently to
be lifted up to heavens. Ironically, their children also wish the same for them.
Blessed
are those who still live within three generations i.e. with parents and their
children and reap the prayers of all but unfortunately they are only a few
lucky ones. Most of us, like me, just offer prayers at parents’ graves, though
rarely too.
