Boss

Just think about the non-existence of Sardarjis and Khan Sahibs on this crust and you would be deprived of more than half of all jokes created in our region. The dawn of every day brings a new and funny joke involving either of them. And what are other hot categories of jokes? One can cite plenty of them like children, spouses, women, employees, and the BOSS.

Yes, boss is a unique creature and character affecting our behavior and bringing considerable impacts on our lives. Boss-employee relationships have long been discussed and some funny guidelines are also available. A simple joke that we learned decades ago goes like; “Rule #1: Boss is always right. Rule #2; if Boss is wrong, follow the Rule # 1.”

With the advent of internet, many new jokes floated around about the boss, one of them became quite famous and “hit”. Last line of this joke reads as; “He/She is just sitting at the top and doing nothing but passes on shit.” People say that it doesn’t really matter you work in private or public organization because the bosses in both offices are alike.

How do they look like? Though most of the time you’ll find them old, bald and bold but recent advancements in corporate sector has brought a good number of smart & handsome young men and gorgeous women as bosses. But believe me, bosses are the most hated entity regardless of their disposition, stance, style and looks.

How can a boss be defined? While dumping the formal and usual definitions, it can be summarized as; “An individual who considers himself as knowing everything and can do everything without the help of his/her sub-ordinates (which he can never do). The one who speaks sarcasm, slur and non-sense, and infuriates you to test your nerves for retaliation and exhaling annoyance (Which you never do; and do on your friends, spouse precisely).

How one should behave with one’s boss? Wrong choice of the word “behave”; a subordinate ought to “follow meekly” all the orders/instructions irrespective of their (ill) wisdom, relevance, and priority. And more importantly, the subordinate must never show signs of anguish, frustration and fatigue at the end of office time when a bundle of new assignments are thrown in his/her face for completion before next morning.

Have a good next day!

Halal and Haram

If you are a Pakistani and have never been to outside world, the above terms mean little or of no significance. Living in a country with 98% of Muslim majority population, you need not worry to ever come across a choice of Halal and/or Haram food. You would certainly be getting Halal food, just everywhere without having to ask for it. I wonder what percentage of local population has ever seen a pig in real! Although Cable TV has brought it in our living rooms but thanks God, it can never penetrate into our kitchens.

And what exposure do you have with Haram food in the outside world? The first rendezvous with pork comes when you travel in a non-Muslim Airline and you only evade it if you are smart enough to ask for choice of food before it is served by charming airhostesses. While travelling in Indian Airlines, I overheard a hostess asking something to passengers before handing over them the food tray. When she came nearer and became audible I heard her asking Veg or Non-veg! Obviously my choice was Non-veg presuming that it would be Halal food. Later I realized my mistake and on a return journey I preferred the Veg food.

Another shocking experience in the Western World comes when you observe pork and meat/beaf (Halal and Haram) are placed side by side in a buffet lunch or supper with the application of same spoons/forks. Once on an international training course, my Ghanian Christian course mate said; Mr. Pitafi, don’t you think we are subjected to too much Halal food? He was referring to hotel menu that was catering to serve food to more than 200 international students, 25% of which came from Muslim countries.

So you escaped having pork in your cuisine but what about other Haram things that you purposely let them come into your life! You enjoy alcoholic drinks, visiting gambling dens, “red light” areas and even “staying” there for a while! Allow me to use an anonymous Western quote that reads; Muslims enjoy every bit of Haram things here but when it comes to eating pork they start chanting: Tauba Tuaba, Haram.

Coming back to my own beloved country, I have to confess that if “corrupt practices” and “Haram Things” are synonymous then they are 13 years older than me. I can’t estimate their exact age but based on exponential rise seen in the last few decades, they are surely going to last many generations.

Our life style, class system, behavior, environment, habits, (mal) practices, businesses, and last but not the least, the financial system are entirely engulfed with malignancy of corruption. We can’t cite a single area or institution in public sector that is free from malady. More dangerous is the generally accepted wisdom that deceit and malpractices of highest order with national wealth makes you the noblest man of the country.

In a country where you hear deafening sound of Adhan (call for prayer) five times a day, the mosques are bursting with Namazis (those offering prayers) on Friday prayers (and with sizeable attendance on ordinary days), millions go to Makkah for Umrah and millions make pilgrimage to Hajj every year then what’s wrong with the nation. Why can’t it distinguish right from the wrong, good from the bad, honesty from the hypocrisy, and Halal from the Haram?