Donkey!

A terrified donkey was attached to a parasail and flown across the sky for 30 minutes in a sick publicity stunt over a beach on the Sea of Azov in Russia. The creature was pulled through the air by a speedboat over a crowded beach — near the Russian resort village of Golubitskaya in a warped bid to promote parasailing for tourists. A local entrepreneur was said to be trying to lure holidaymakers to his private beach club. The petrified donkey, which was braying in terror, was described as "half dead" when it was finally released. Onlookers said the animal was "faint and dizzy" as it tried to get to its feet following the ordeal (news excerpt).

The Russian “feat” was seen as a shameful act by the general public as well as animals-loving NGOs in the West but cruelty to animals especially donkeys is a daily affair in our Sub-Continent. Donkey-Cart owners/drivers can be seen beating donkeys with hunters and sticks fiercely so that this innocent and docile animal could pull and drag loads that even a horse cannot do. Donkey is the most submissive, down-to-earth (literally) and indefatigable animal. Ironically it is also the one who receives unabated brutality by its master (always men) but still remains quiet and faithful. I am sure everyone must have seen a donkey hanging in air while still tied to the cart when it fails to carry heavy load in busy streets of our cities.

Sometimes carts are driven by two parallel donkeys; first reason being the kindness of master who considers inappropriate for a donkey to pull up large loads all alone. This additional donkey is traditionally known as “Pakh”. You may be not aware of other interesting reason; it’s under training. Yes, young donkeys, not accustomed to pulling heavy carts in city streets, are attached parallel with the experienced and old donkeys to receive “on-job” training before getting independent.

Those who opened their eyes (like me) in poor and slum areas must have thrown stones at stray dogs and beaten donkeys with sticks. The painful barks of dogs and pathetic brays (Dheechoon Dheechoon…) of donkeys used to amuse us. At the same time, we would not let an opportunity go waste and enjoyed taking brief rides on donkeys which returned after unloading construction material. These donkeys can hardly be sighted in cities now. Small and medium trucks have replaced them. In order to recall your childhood, just visit a small town or suburb slums of big cities and you’ll come across all similar acts. Life has retained its original color even after decades! Another favorite pastime of our unemployed “Tapori” youth is to place a thief backward on donkey and take a procession in the streets with thief’s face blackened and his neck is garlanded with old shoes. Insulting a red-handed nabbed thief may be an outburst of the crowd but what crime does a donkey commits to go through this heinous ordeal is indigestible!

Riding a donkey is considered a shameful act in our society except poor who take donkey as an integral part of their lives for earning “Do Waqt Ki Roti”. Donkeys are rarely seen as running fast. They look rather lazy and tired. In the Liyari area of Karachi, “Donkey-Cart Race” holds regularly every year where one enjoys watching donkeys running surprisingly much faster than usual. The racing carts are not meant for carrying loads on ordinary days. Fitted with two bike wheels this small & smart racing cart carries the “Jockey” only. Good thing about this race is that donkeys are never hit by their respective Jockeys. Jockey carries a metal box filled with pebbles, and shakes the box rigorously signaling donkey to run faster.

We the human beings of Sub-Continent feel proud in making fun of donkey and have labeled it as a symbol of foolishness. We love to ridicule our employees, sub-ordinates, and maid servants, and while scolding kids a comparatively mild word “Khota” is used when they perform certain actions contrary to our expectations. Khota means young donkey and usually reflects our persistent love and care to the target while still being angry. I never heard a mother calling her daughter “Khotee” no matter how annoyed she had been!

We find plenty of folklore on donkey but stupidity of donkey is yet to be seen or proved. Donkeys are herbivores (eat plants), eat less food than a horse of similar size, and need a lower protein content in their feed. Average age of donkey is said to be 34 years whereas world’s oldest donkey was 62.

Can a donkey earn respect and escape wrath in our society? Perhaps, never!

Career!

Dadaji was enraged over the repeated poor academic results of Mani, his grandson. This year Mani came 21^st in his eighth grade exam. Dadaji decided to talk to Murad, his son, over the ever deteriorating results of Mani. In the meanwhile he went to Mani’s room to have a chat with the kid to ascertain the real cause of the problem. Mani was as usual busy playing games on computer.

I’m gonna make complaint to your Dad, said Dadaji.

About what Dadu? Without taking his eyes off the computer screen, Mani asked.

You are not putting up serious effort in your studies. It won’t put you anywhere; you would never succeed in life and may end up doing some clerical job, Dadaji warned.

But Dadu! I overheard Abbu saying to Ammi that this country doesn’t need good, honest and hardworking people anymore. Degrees, attractive jobs and lucrative positions are on sale. One just need a degree, no matter it is real or fake to climb the success ladder! Mani replied.

You speak too much. Don’t listen to this rubbish and let me discuss it to your father. I’m afraid he’ll let you become a completely spoilt child, Dadaji said in a stern tone.

Later in the evening Dadaji caught his son over the supper and straight away asked him whether he knew about the poor exam results of Mani!

Yes Papa, I know. He is doing fine. He is far from being regarded as an excellent or brilliant student but then why should he put extra effort when the sole purpose is to obtain a degree. Murad said.

With a shock in Dadaji’s eyes, he asked Murad with sarcasm in his tone; so, what profession my grandson would like to take up as a career on your recommendations?

In a country like ours, career in Politics would be ideal, followed by Law and Judiciary; even joining Journalism or an NGO would be equally beneficial. Murad smilingly replied.

And you think these careers can be had without having a good educational background, Dadaji said.

Exactly; Mani will just need a push to enter any of the above fields and there he becomes a successful and powerful person. Murad tries to convince Dadaji.

And how will he earn the degree without studying in a proper way? Dadaji insists.

Abbu! You know that half of our parliamentarians have fake degrees. Those who were caught and disqualified are being re-elected through by-elections. If Mani fails to obtain a fake degree due to prevailing crackdown, we would easily buy him another student to appear for his exams. Even if that doesn’t happen, we can obtain Mani’s grades according to our wishes from the Educational Board.

What do you aim for exactly by planning to get him into politics? Dadaji asked him again.

Abbu! let Mani complete his so called studies and earn a degree. We’ll send him to England for a few months for learning English and other managerial / oratory skills. I want him to contest elections from our ancestral town where we have a large following of our servants, farmers, friends etc. Once he reaches the Assembly, fame, respect, and power will follow him, while abundance of wealth is just a by-product, Murad smiles meaningfully.

Good; that means all my moral education to you regarding service to the poor, honesty, patriotism, etc. went into vain, Dadaji said dejectedly.

Abbu; please try to understand. Times have changed. You can’t survive in this country without having grip over some institutions or power quarters. It’s a need of hour to have at least one family member inducted in any of the above professions. Even people prefer to send their children into Army and Police.

Now please, don’t speak of these noble professions aimed at serving the nation on internal and external frontiers whereas you are taking them as sources of influence and vice motives, Dadaji commented in a complaining tone.

Abbu, you are still living in older times. Do you know which institution has a larger stake in the real estate business across the country? Didn’t you hear the joke that longstanding issue of Kashmir can be resolved instantly once our government decides to go for allotment of plots to our “Jawans” in held-Kashmir?

A Prayer

O Lord! I kneel down to You because of my firm and un-dwindling faith

And follow your commandments revealed in the Last Book

Can’t think of denying meeting You hereafter

For the accountability of my deeds, and the subsequent fate!

Lord! You created me and bestowed with uncountable blessings

A heart that feels and a mind that thinks together with intent and authority

To choose good from evil, virtue from sin, to become a better and helping human being

Alas, I still remain highly unthankful, unsatisfied and fervently insatiable.

Pardon me Lord but people argue, if I were not a Muslim by default

I wouldn’t have reverted to Islam, merely because of the conduct of Muslims

Even the cursory contact with Islamic teachings would’ve done little to lure me

That’s why more than two-third of the world population is still wayward!

Forgive me Lord! They take my bowing down as performance of a ritual

And express it with various names like sheer fear, threat, voracity and smarmy

Insist that some contents of the Last Book are irrelevant to present life and need an Update

But Lord, they are astray like those who witnessed miracles but still perished as nonbelievers.

Health, wealth, cozy life, etc., have tarnished my mind and heart

Either I take them for granted or term them an outcome of my own toil

Lord! Have mercy on me, bolster my faith, and instill Your love

O Omnipresent! Cleanse my heart; make me feel grateful, an ardent and humble believer.

Mom, please forgive me

Ever since I’ve decided to pen down about Ammi (Mom), all forgotten memories no matter how minute and faint they are, have started reappearing in my mind; for example the day I was circumcised (guess I was 3 years old) when the Barber (Hajaam) put a sweet candy in my mouth and pointed to sky to watch an aeroplane flying overhead. My resistance and reluctance proved futile as within seconds my father took me in his arms while I bled and cried with pain.

At that time I sneaked towards Mom who was smiling and shedding tears relentlessly.

As my elder brother (2 years older than me) and I were growing up in our ancestral tiny village, I recall indistinctly my uneducated mother having scores of arguments with my father over migrating from that village to a nearby town for children’s education. During shifting on a caravan of two to three bullock carts, I slept in Ammi’s arms for better part of the 10 mile long journey, as I was later told, but I do remember that I would also sporadically alight from the moving cart to stroll along and/or would run to catch them up.

Ammi would every time stretch out her arms to take hold of me and save me from falling down and getting hurt.

Our rented house in the town was quite large with electricity and a hand pump (Nalka) for water. We had a buffalo in courtyard. Ammi would milk it twice a day and would let us drink fresh milk. After school I would just run outside barefoot to play “Gilli Danda”, Marbles, or would go to Bus Stand to watch new buses. On returning home around sunset, filthy from bottom to top, Ammi would just drag me to stand below the Nalka and let me take bath to clean up.

She would always narrate stories/fables of animals, genies or fairies before we were fast asleep.

Once my tutor of class six Mr. Narain Das tried his best to teach me how to read analog Wrist Watch and tell the correct time but I wouldn’t. On replying the wrong “Time” the umpteenth time, the tutor was peeved at me and slapped across the face.

As if Ammi was standing just across the door, she instantly entered the room ignoring her “Pardah” and asked the tutor as to how he dared slapping her son!

One thing I never understood for long until I turned father; how can parents especially mother love her all children equally? I always considered myself getting most of parents’ attention and care during my early childhood. Other siblings were also in agreement with me and when they protested, Ammi would just reject their plea with a big grin.

Now, decades later, my children repeat the same story and ask their Mom, why Fatima (youngest of all) is your “LADLEE”? They don’t get the different reply from their Mom either.

Mother’s love, affection and showers of prayers for her children have been considered as something obligatory for her to do. No matter how ill-behavior and disrespect the children treat her mother with, they feel proud to be living in a shadow of their mother’s “Duaeen”.

The painful fact; ask a bribe taker, a ‘Sood Khor’ (interest taker), a rich man who makes big fortunes through illicit means, etc., how come he is so successful in his life? Just because I’m bestowed with my mother’s blessings, will come the sole reply.

Time never stops. Once completely dependant on parents especially mother, I turned independent and the most unfortunate reality is that my mother is dependent now. Am I behaving and taking care of my dependent as better as she used to, years ago, when she was independent? What about you, the reader?

The reply must be pretty painful!

Can we find solace in justifying that we are paying back mother’s love and affection to our children instead, and these children will be paying back to their children and so on?

How many of us, still living under the shadow of this evergreen tree, have rekindled complete respect to her and allocated some ‘precious minutes’ to listen to her patiently without getting into arguments?

Boss

Just think about the non-existence of Sardarjis and Khan Sahibs on this crust and you would be deprived of more than half of all jokes created in our region. The dawn of every day brings a new and funny joke involving either of them. And what are other hot categories of jokes? One can cite plenty of them like children, spouses, women, employees, and the BOSS.

Yes, boss is a unique creature and character affecting our behavior and bringing considerable impacts on our lives. Boss-employee relationships have long been discussed and some funny guidelines are also available. A simple joke that we learned decades ago goes like; “Rule #1: Boss is always right. Rule #2; if Boss is wrong, follow the Rule # 1.”

With the advent of internet, many new jokes floated around about the boss, one of them became quite famous and “hit”. Last line of this joke reads as; “He/She is just sitting at the top and doing nothing but passes on shit.” People say that it doesn’t really matter you work in private or public organization because the bosses in both offices are alike.

How do they look like? Though most of the time you’ll find them old, bald and bold but recent advancements in corporate sector has brought a good number of smart & handsome young men and gorgeous women as bosses. But believe me, bosses are the most hated entity regardless of their disposition, stance, style and looks.

How can a boss be defined? While dumping the formal and usual definitions, it can be summarized as; “An individual who considers himself as knowing everything and can do everything without the help of his/her sub-ordinates (which he can never do). The one who speaks sarcasm, slur and non-sense, and infuriates you to test your nerves for retaliation and exhaling annoyance (Which you never do; and do on your friends, spouse precisely).

How one should behave with one’s boss? Wrong choice of the word “behave”; a subordinate ought to “follow meekly” all the orders/instructions irrespective of their (ill) wisdom, relevance, and priority. And more importantly, the subordinate must never show signs of anguish, frustration and fatigue at the end of office time when a bundle of new assignments are thrown in his/her face for completion before next morning.

Have a good next day!

Halal and Haram

If you are a Pakistani and have never been to outside world, the above terms mean little or of no significance. Living in a country with 98% of Muslim majority population, you need not worry to ever come across a choice of Halal and/or Haram food. You would certainly be getting Halal food, just everywhere without having to ask for it. I wonder what percentage of local population has ever seen a pig in real! Although Cable TV has brought it in our living rooms but thanks God, it can never penetrate into our kitchens.

And what exposure do you have with Haram food in the outside world? The first rendezvous with pork comes when you travel in a non-Muslim Airline and you only evade it if you are smart enough to ask for choice of food before it is served by charming airhostesses. While travelling in Indian Airlines, I overheard a hostess asking something to passengers before handing over them the food tray. When she came nearer and became audible I heard her asking Veg or Non-veg! Obviously my choice was Non-veg presuming that it would be Halal food. Later I realized my mistake and on a return journey I preferred the Veg food.

Another shocking experience in the Western World comes when you observe pork and meat/beaf (Halal and Haram) are placed side by side in a buffet lunch or supper with the application of same spoons/forks. Once on an international training course, my Ghanian Christian course mate said; Mr. Pitafi, don’t you think we are subjected to too much Halal food? He was referring to hotel menu that was catering to serve food to more than 200 international students, 25% of which came from Muslim countries.

So you escaped having pork in your cuisine but what about other Haram things that you purposely let them come into your life! You enjoy alcoholic drinks, visiting gambling dens, “red light” areas and even “staying” there for a while! Allow me to use an anonymous Western quote that reads; Muslims enjoy every bit of Haram things here but when it comes to eating pork they start chanting: Tauba Tuaba, Haram.

Coming back to my own beloved country, I have to confess that if “corrupt practices” and “Haram Things” are synonymous then they are 13 years older than me. I can’t estimate their exact age but based on exponential rise seen in the last few decades, they are surely going to last many generations.

Our life style, class system, behavior, environment, habits, (mal) practices, businesses, and last but not the least, the financial system are entirely engulfed with malignancy of corruption. We can’t cite a single area or institution in public sector that is free from malady. More dangerous is the generally accepted wisdom that deceit and malpractices of highest order with national wealth makes you the noblest man of the country.

In a country where you hear deafening sound of Adhan (call for prayer) five times a day, the mosques are bursting with Namazis (those offering prayers) on Friday prayers (and with sizeable attendance on ordinary days), millions go to Makkah for Umrah and millions make pilgrimage to Hajj every year then what’s wrong with the nation. Why can’t it distinguish right from the wrong, good from the bad, honesty from the hypocrisy, and Halal from the Haram?

Being Old

Advantages of being old - From a kid’s perspective

1. Not forced to wake up early

2. Not to take breakfast every morning

3. You need not to attend school; no home work

4. Can listen to music in full volume

5. Can watch cartoons and play video games for hours

6. Not scolded by Mom on return from school with bruises & dirty clothes

7. Not forced to take afternoon nap

8. Not admonished for playing outside

9. Can avoid tuition, skip fixed-timely super and delay going to bed

10. Absolute freedom; life full of enjoyment

Disadvantages of being old - From own perspective

1. Why not forced to get up early?

2. Why not offered breakfast every morning?

3. Why don’t they allow me to listen to the news with audible volume?

4. Why do I have to take dozens of medicines everyday?

5. Sick of taking prescribed tasteless food every now and then

6. Hate to be on bed; still end up spending most of my time on it

7. No one listens to, everyone avoids talking to

8. No one cares and notices when did I go outside or returned back

9. Absolute freedom; I hate being lonely in the house full of people